Grudges are Counter-Productive to Achieving a Peaceful Existence

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Welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Sunday morning to you. Today on the podcast, I want to extend a discussion I was having this weekend with a friend of mine, asking me some tips about inner peace, the discussion not necessarily asking me but the conversation when did inner peace. And I made a point I said, you can get rid of all the dysfunctions of life, whatever dysfunctions you have got going your inner negative attitudes you can get them, you can take them out, there are so many ways to get them out. I talk about hypnosis. But regardless, whichever one you believe in, you can get rid of or minimize or diminish the majority of the inner attitudes if you can spot them. And one of the pursuits of life is to spot those inner attitudes. The one that is very hard to get rid of, is easy, but most people have difficulty getting rid of his grudges. And I was, the discussion went into grudges.

So I made a few points in the conversation, I want to highlight that on today’s podcast. And because I’m sure at some point, you did get angry at someone, somebody did something to you, maybe something inappropriate, maybe you had been holding on to it for a long amount of time. And maybe you made an attempt to get rid of it. It’s impossible that a good thought never crossed your mind. Now, why am I angry at this individual? Why can’t I make peace with this individual, maybe that thought did come across your mind? But then somehow you held on to that grudge, it happens across the board. So how do you not get consumed by bad feelings for another individual or another person and eliminate those feelings out of your mind so that you have a happy life? Otherwise, this is a game of happiness and fulfillment. So if you get consumed by other people’s negative emotions, or consumed by the negative emotions you have for other people, then it’s a counterproductive exercise, you can never achieve peace. So what kind of things are what are some techniques or what are some ways within which we can get rid of grudges from our system?

The first and foremost in all this is we as humans, are capable of doing one thing, which others do not do or cannot do. And that is making a choice. So you can make a choice, I can make a choice, all of us can make a choice, we have that mind we have been gifted. So the question becomes is this if you have a choice to make a choice, if you haven’t, that’s interesting, you have the choice to make a choice. In fact, that is true, you have a choice to make a choice. If you’re capable of making a choice, why not use that capability to make a positive choice. So positive choices, I make the choice of not getting angry at an individual not holding on to the emotion that I had been holding on to for the last 30 years or 20 years, I make the choice now. See, it’s a choice, I make that consciously. It’s a conscious effort, but I make the choice. So when I do that, effectively, I’ve shut down all the negative things from that point on. So in a way, it gets diminished, that feeling diminished. So I’m taking a much bigger and a higher approach to dealing with a problem that happened 30 years ago and keeps bothering me forever and interferes into the piece that I’m I’ve got going on that I’m trying to create for myself. That’s the first approach I would do. That’s the first approach I would take.

Now, there’s also one more awareness here, which is every time you think ill or negative about someone, you may think you have a higher power, which creates a higher power in you at that moment. It does feel it gives a good feeling. Yeah, you know, you know, shouldn’t have done that to me, and what does he think about this, you think that I am? So it gives you power at the moment. But again, that power is when you are alone with yourself. Right? So it does give you the power at the moment. But then there’s also a domino effect. You do that every day in every moment you think about somebody and you kind of build up this feeling within you. And slowly you will start seeing that this negative feeling for somebody is now going to spread across all aspects of your life and has a domino effect. If you don’t deal with it. It does trust me. It spreads into your complete existence. And if not checked properly, it could even spill into other areas of life. This is where people pull you their kith and kin against somebody.

The pollute dangerous when it happens that way. Now one other way to deal with this problem is if you haven’t negative feelings for someone. And you know, it’s not the right thing for you, and you understand the effects of it. One other way to deal with this is kind of putting yourself in that person’s shoes. That individual shoe. Oh, by the way, technically, at this point, I would stop this recording because there’s a lot of noise. And from outside coming in, my dad is in the other room, and He’s coughing, sneezing, and all that. So he’s going through a bad, cold, all good. I could stop the recording, but I’m not because I got a lot of focus and intensity on this recording. So don’t stop this. So this is real, this is real, you say this is real. Okay. Coming back to the point. So I take what is called a position on that individual, I put myself in their shoes. And see why did this individual do this way. Maybe they lack information, maybe that influenced by somebody else, maybe they lack the know-how maybe they are consumed by some other things that are happening in their life, maybe they don’t have enough mental quotient to make a good choice, good decision, maybe. And when I put myself in their shoes, now, suddenly, you know, my position is bigger and bigger than the problem that I’m consumed with.

Now, once I see from their side, I can probably make up some observations, even though they may not be real. But it does help me because it allows me to forgive them. And by the way, they could be completely crooked. It does. That’s not that may not be the reality. But that means that as a conscious thinker, I’m looking for a way to resolve this within myself. And by saying by speculating or kind of creating this false perception of what they might be going through, allows me to resolve the problem within myself. There is another way of doing this also, sometimes we see when I deal with situations where two relatives are fighting, and one relative did something. And the other relative is now sad and has been sad for 2030 years, how do you resolve a situation like that? So we do what is called a third person, in a position third person, so you know your position because you’re affected, and you know that maybe your cousin or your brother or sister might have said something to you and you’re not in talking terms for like, whatever, 2030 years, you know them. But you take a third person position on them, which is you think about maybe parents, your parents, maybe your teachers? How would my dad deal with this? How would my mom deal with this? What would my mom tell my cousin? Or what would my cousin’s Mom, tell me something like that, so you start putting yourself in their shoes.

Now, what you’re doing is you’re mimicking the values of elders, more experienced people, then you are somebody who has a different view of the situation and those values, the parents and your father or mother or your aunt, uncle, their values are in you. So, when you take their position mentally, you now are drawing from their energy from their power. So, what would they tell? How do you deal with the situation and once you listen from them, by putting yourself in their shoes, you will operate very differently on the ground is one other way to resolve this issue. Now, at the core of all this is this you got to reason everything with your thoughts, then with your emotions, you cannot reason out anything with emotions. This is the core because your mind allows you to think and reason and creating your emotions only allows you to react. Your mind allows you to act your emotions allow you to react the separation is very, very important if you have completely ignored everything in this podcast episode, you probably got distracted listening to it. There were some distractions here in the room also. This is the point mind creates emotions are to react. So use the mind to create reason and think wherein use your emotions to react. To apply the mind don’t apply the emotions is the case in the point.

That’s pretty much it for today’s podcast. I hope today’s one is helpful. I was in such a flow. I didn’t want to stop this. So I went on recording this. Excuse the sound, excuse the traffic. I’m in an open space recording this, but I’m hoping that today’s podcast is valuable. Thank you,

Want to Live Life to the Fullest? Get in Touch with your True Feelings

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In the last three days, we have been talking about frustrations, fear, and many other topics in the last few days. So I just wanted to, to kind of take all these things together last few days of different ideas that I’ve been sharing with you, I decided to take all that together today and share in an overall position that I have on this. I’ve been telling you how to express your frustrations and how to overcome your fears. The question becomes is this should you really stop yourself from expressing yourself? What is the quality of living should you express or not express, so somebody is attacking you somebody is showing the anger somebody is making your life difficult should you express or you should not express.

One of there was a research that was done in the United Kingdom, UK. And one of the bad vicious that people expressed was that they wish they could have expressed their feelings rather clarified their feelings to the people with who they were dealing in their lifetime. They wish they expressed more. That’s a deathbed wish. So the quality of our life is based on the way we express our emotions. So in the last two days, I’ve been telling you to be careful how you express your frustration. Be careful how you deal with the fears, because your fears might be separating you from the outcomes. So how do you do this? See here is the truth. The truth is everything that we need is always with people and through people, in many times for people, everything that we are doing. So there is not a single individual I met who said, you know, I’m trying to become successful because I just want to become successful. Right? In their mind, even though they may say that, in their mind, they know they become successful, they want to make more money, or maybe something is going to come as a result of that, of that success. And then somebody beyond them is going to benefit from it. That’s the people talk about legacy.

People talk about charity contribution, all that. So there is a benefit to expressing your emotions. Because the quality of life goes up. If you can express your emotions, you lead a fuller life, even though it could be a small living from a duration standpoint, but you live a fuller life. You lead a fuller life by taking difficult topics on you difficult circumstances on you. And as you express yourself through those circumstances, that means life will be led with some challenges. So when you deal with challenging situations, you are discovering yourself and you’re discovering your true potential, a full lot of life. When you express your emotions, you are also becoming more authentic. So when you’re authentic, that means people will accept you who you are, you don’t need to tell people who you are at that point in time you are authentic, you are telling who you are. When you express your emotions, the majority of the time many of your fears also go away. There is no buildup of any unwanted unnecessary references and all that in the mind. You are more in agreement with things around you. So fears typically vanish.

As a result of that. Naturally, when you are expressing yourself, that means you have a better dynamic with your within your core relationships. But above all this when you express your feelings, people around you feel that liberated. So if I’m doing this, right, if this podcast is right, and I’m expressing myself, right, you feel that you are liberated because you feel that yes, there is possible, what you’re hearing, you can implement that in your life and you feel that sense of possibility. So there is courage that spreads as a result of you expressing your emotions. Sometimes, when you’re direct when you’re honest, it makes things easier for you but also makes things easier for others. So, for example, if somebody is frustrating, you shouldn’t take a position and say, the way you are saying what you’re saying the way you’re expressing is frustrating me. And I want to tell you that I want to be very clear, I understand that there is a risk by me saying this to you. Maybe you will not as many more men will dislike me. But still, I want to say this to you because I think this is the right thing. Sometimes you need to have the conversation sometimes not always. But sometimes it’s important that you clarify your intentions because when you do that you are promoting the common good for everyone. Of course, there are risks every time you do that, but then you as a well-rounded individual, understand risks. Sometimes, when I take account of some of my emotions, in a way, I’m also taking account of other emotions that I don’t, express unknowingly. So when I clarify my intentions with some people, then I don’t get frustrated, I don’t get annoyed, I don’t get angry later on. So in a way, I got control of both attitudes of mine. Yes, the expression of emotions needs to happen. Again, like anything else, we are talking here.

When you are expressing your emotions, you just can’t straight away do this. It’s sometimes there are, maybe you are introvert, maybe you are respectful. Maybe you have certain dynamics within which you exist, where you don’t want to challenge a few things. And maybe you need to have to build that courage to do that. But for all that, we suggest you start small. Practice gradually, and understand the situations, use the languaging. Maybe start with small things, right, and assess how things affect you as a result of you standing up, and then you go out, all out. So this is a practice, you got to do that regularly. So communication improves, presentation improves, positioning improves, interaction improves, acceptance improves, everything improves. So in a way, you do this, right conflicts also go away, because you’re expressing yourself more. And one thing I want to tell you, as we are on this topic, here expressing yourself, you also need to be respectful to boundaries, people are who they are. Just because you have decided to become vocal and have pride in your things, you may not be their priority. They don’t understand you that way.

If that’s the situation, it could create a whole different dynamic at that point. So there is some level of sensitivity that you need to carry within you. And maybe don’t be directly on some topics. Right. So some people have, for example, political beliefs, religious beliefs, you don’t need to be direct on those. And if you do, then there are other deeper consequences. So that’s where the concept and analyzing the consequences important. But then, here is my observation when it comes down to me studying people who express themselves. People who express themselves, clearly, who express their emotions are people who are good listeners. So it starts with you listening. You’re giving full attention to people. Understanding how they’re attuned what they’re tuned to what are their concerns. Sometimes it’s important in maybe on a conversation where you’re somebody’s saying something that you have absolutely no understanding of what’s going on, and you’re overwhelmed. You got to listen, you got to ask yourself to clarify what it is that you’re saying. Then you take your time to reflect. And then you go back into the discussion. And then you clarify your emotion and you clarify your intention. And then you position your argument, see how this works. That’s how I would approach it.

Hopefully, today’s podcast is helpful. If it is, then you know the drill, you can write a review for this podcast, make a comment or share it with your friends and family. If you have a question for me, please, by all means, the number on the podcast is 888-818-0404. Call me leave me a message or text me or email me, you know how to reach me. That’s all for now. The idea of me sharing all this is because I want you to have a life that is to the fullest. And you cannot have a full life unless you truly get in touch with your feelings. And sometimes you got to get those feelings in the open. You bottle them up, then life becomes dull. It’s boring and challenging. So your job is to keep on enriching your experience. At the same time empowering those people around you.

Why Confront Fears Face-to-Face

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Welcome, or welcome back to Success with Srini. Today is a Friday morning as I’m recording, happy weekend to you Happy Friday to you. Given today is a weekend, I’m going to keep this podcast very small and precise, hopefully still impactful. One of the elements that separate people from their success is fear. This fear is just enough in itself enough to derail somebody from their success. Despite having no harm, experienced knowledge, wisdom, connections, resources, everything, you could have everything. But just because you have that fear, you will not attain the outcomes. Sometimes fear can turn the world upside down in practically no time. So the question becomes is how do you confront fear? Or should we confront fear? Well, clearly, you can’t hide from it. No matter where you go. It’s going to chase you. So rather confront.

Question is, what’s the most effective way? For the best technique? I get this question all the time. I’ve done numerous podcasts on numerous radio shows on this topic on how to overcome fear within hypnosis, there are so many concepts that so many different approaches you can take. But what I want to do today on today’s podcast is I’m going to keep this very precise, and not get into the hypnosis part of this. techniques are many. And even in yesterday’s podcast, I talked about the same thing. I said the only way you overcome frustration is to this podcast is you, in principle agree that you will not get frustrated. And that’s also true. In today’s podcast, which is the best way to overcome any fear is to tell yourself what’s the worst that could happen? You ask a question to yourself, What could go wrong here? Seriously speaking, I mean, yesterday, I talked about this too, I said, I don’t sweat small things. And everything is small, very to fear, in general, is a shadow feeling something that develops in the back of our mind, you know, it’s an unconscious thing. And it takes a shape and form based on how much we think about it.

We kind of make it bigger, it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t have any physical shape or form. It’s something in our mind, we create it, we nourish it, we make it bigger than us. So it’s a small thing. We may have made it very big in our minds. So what is the verse that could happen as a result of this fear? Staying with me? It’s a question you have to ask. Now, some people tell me that they have small fears, they have big fears. I asked them even in consultations therapy, to ask the question said to know, if you have to grade this fear, on a scale of zero to 10, zero being small, and it being high. You know, where do you put it? Well, I would say maybe two or three. Okay, okay, fine. So if there’s two or three that Mr. Small? Yeah, okay, so do you have any other fears, they come up with 510, whatever number of fears, usually, an individual is fearful. That means they’re leading their life with fear. So they fear everything, and they have a long list of things to fear about. So they kind of put all that on paper. And I start looking into each of them and say, Okay, start categorizing them based on high, medium, and low. So they usually have a few on the low side, a lot in the middle. And then a lot more on the extreme side. So the strategy there is that there is some capability within you to deal with fears. So why not take that capability and focus on the smallest fears you have. So let’s look into all the smallest parts you have. And you tell yourself that you are capable of facing these fears. Because you have the skills and the energy to deal with them. So you’re never you’re prepared. And you kind of create that comfort in them in their mind that he has this can be dealt with. So the small fears are not larger than you.

They’re not larger than your life. And you can overcome them, you can defeat them. That’s the start. I usually take that path. And then I tell them to learn from what they are going through as they’re dealing with the small fear. So usually I send them back. I tell them, go deal with it. And come back in a week or 10 days and let me know what was the lesson you took when you were dealing to overcome the small fear. So the suggestion to them is this one because the only day marked as small, so I’m not telling them it’s a small fear, they marked it as a small fear. So they know that they have now the capability to deal with it. So they go home, they come back after a week they tell me so So yeah, you know, I was able to overcome this fear. So that’s a win. And now we use this as a positive spin to deal with bigger fears, they have the middle fears to help, Nick. So it starts with categorizing the fears in three different buckets and dealing with the smaller ones, going to the middle and then going to the extreme in a bigger one. You can try this technique, by the way, and it works. And it’s another explanation to you how this works. It should work. Now, every time there is a success with dealing with the fear, we feel good about ourselves, we feel accomplished, we feel just good, good about the whole thing. So that kind of kick starts the next process.

Now, here is the truth. And this is a universal truth, everything that we need. And everything that we will get. And everything that we deserve, is on the other side of fear. When I was going to Everest, people told me don’t go you will die. And yeah, but how much do you know about Everest? But not much. I saw Everest on History Channel. I see it on YouTube said well. But you don’t have any knowledge about Everest? No, no, but they show people dying the dead bodies on the mountain. True. But I have been to higher altitudes and I feel good about myself and I don’t see a problem. So you’re telling me people are not dying? I said no, I’m not saying that people are not dying people do die, people die everywhere. So there is an equal amount of risk right now that you have driving a car. And I have sitting here and recording this podcast, then somebody on average, the risk is the same. It’s how we perceive it. It’s how we perceive it. And there is a proven example.

This now has been made into movies, which is you put a plank of wooden plank between two different two rocks, and then you make you walk on the plank from one end to the other. It’s easy. But if you take the same plank with the same distance, you put it across two buildings, and you walk on that, then obviously you’re scared in the fall. So it’s just how we associate ourselves to that fear. And a lot has to do with the way we were raised a lot has to do with the way we were exposed to or you know, in the upbringing and all that, but you get the idea. So where are we going with this, what happens once you overcome fear, there is something else that has to happen within you, which is you got to build the courage to face the fears. And when you do that, that’s when progress happens. And it’s an ongoing thing. It’s not like oh, I overcome. I’ve seen people who did overcome the fear of driving on the freeway, and then going high. It’s an all the hard fear before but then it did come back later. But you got to keep working at it. There is nothing in self-improvement or any place within which we’re developing ourselves or minds in any school of thought.

Every time there is a mind involved mind needs to be told. As much as it tells us to do what it has to do. So the mind has to be told. So it’s an ongoing thing. There is not a state within which you say I am I have done it I have experienced people lose experience to do. People get exposed to something you can say, God, you don’t have one year one, or two or five years of experience. But if you got exposed to it, but then over a period of a long time you lost that experience. Now you’re as good as somebody else who’s starting, but you have exposure from the past because you were at it for five years. So it’s an ongoing thing. But it starts with baby steps. And you become brave along the way and you conquer and you prevent this problem from coming towards you again. If you stay at it, why all this is going on you are now maximizing your potential to the fullest. So my challenge to you is to discover yourself. Deal with all the spheres you have at least one start with one and then see where you go with it.

Okay, I wanted to keep this small but then this When did longer, but you have a wonderful weekend. But for me, I’ll be here tomorrow, recording and sending your podcast. Bye now.