Why Some People Don’t Know How To Love Or Be Loved

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Today’s podcast episode is an answer to a question that I have attempted multiple times on this podcast, which is on how to deal with negative people and how to deal with toxicity. I’ve shared techniques, I’ve shared different mindsets, all back multiple times on this podcast. And all of the techniques work. And I’m not saying that one is better than the other. Some people say it’s better to deflect what is coming at you. Some people say it’s better to process it, but quickly process it and don’t give enough brain space mind space to the criticism, move on, allow people to say what they have to say, eventually, they will stop saying some people say block them off different suggestions, different techniques, they all work. But here’s the truth. The truth is, there are people who will demand who will criticize, demand attention, criticize you, and will tell you that they are better than what you are doing. And whatever you’re doing is incorrect, I get that, I understand that. Some people expect me to pay homage to them, I get that understanding. So in a way, it’s good, it’s good to get that kind of, you know, attention from people. Because if you are a student of self-improvement, you want to become better at this, you will, you will become stronger. Our parents don’t make us stronger. Our siblings don’t in some way, make us stronger, but our surroundings do not make us stronger. And if you’re looking for a strong life, it’s okay to get some criticism.

Now, how much space and time you should give two criticism is completely up to you many, many years ago, I suddenly happened to remember this, I came across a story of a tree that grows in Indonesia. This is called a street called Upas tree. And the Upas tree grows big. And it secretes a poison. It’s a poisonous tree, the poison grows so thick, that it kills all kinds of vegetation around it. So nothing can grow. Under the shelter of this tree. It destroys the surroundings, it poisons everything. So wherever there is life, there is poison. And the job of the poison is to kill. So if you are good-minded and sincere, and you have well-being in your heart people expect some level of negativity and criticism coming at you. And as I said, it’s natural. See, some people do not know how to love others. And they needed love, or they love others to love them. And this has a lot to do with the way they have raised their upbringing and all that sometimes people deliberately shut the door on them. Because who knows if they love them, they open themselves up, then maybe they will be hurt again. Because they were hurt in the past. So their emotions, they don’t want to open up that open themselves up. And they don’t want to deal with all the emotions that otherwise will be challenged and or will be stepped upon. So whatever the case may be, some people are you know, they just don’t know how to love and how to be loved. So here is the general message. When you see someone who is angry, who is criticizing is throwing negativity at you the position that I suggest you take because this question has a long description, you’re asking me what, what I suggest you do is that do not intercept and do not attach it’ll sense to them. When you attach it’ll sense, then you can’t process what they’re saying you will resent and you will react when you do then they may come back even harder. You’ll have to show some compassion towards them at some level of compassion, not a lot but some levels. That means you allocate a part of your heart to this stuff. And in a way, you also have to bear the burden.

If you’re in social life on social media, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a celebrity or not a celebrity doesn’t matter those so if you’re if people have liked your photos, they have written good comments about you Then there is a possibility that they will also say some things that you may not like, and you’re open to that, you should be open to that. And as many people praise me for this podcast, I do get I do hear things people message me, I don’t talk about that because that doesn’t really help my cause here. But then people say, oh, you know, you contradicted yourself, you didn’t say this, right? You never got to the point you were on and on for 20 minutes, you never really said what you were supposed to say. So your net, your illustration is incorrect, your key points are off, and your voice was low. So I get that, I understand that you see how they mostly get charged up. What I’m saying is that it’s there in me, you know, but I excuse those weaknesses and an innovator also tries to make up for their defects. So as much as they hate my imperfections, I create some space in my heart to love their imperfections. And the purpose is to have a true spirit of charity. In whatever you do, when the true spirit of charity is missing, all kinds of things come in, you see, there is no amount of money that can compensate for your hard work. For example, if you go to a doctor, a doctor will save your life, how much money will you pay the doctor? No matter how much money you pay, then I don’t think it’s sufficient to save your life. Whatever that is, I’m not seeing a doctor, anybody who saves your life, what money will you pay? Because we can’t value that how can you value your life is invaluable? So you not only pay a doctor but also you pay with your good wishes you pay with your blessings you pay, you know, all different levels of payments come in. When you deal with somebody who is angry, who is negative about charging you saying things to you that pull you down, and that hurt you.

The problem is not with you, you know that. And your job is to see the defect in them, you see how they’re broken, and, and see if you can help them. But if you cannot help them, understand the situation so that you can, and you will not be overwhelmed. You don’t take it into your heart and you start breaking apart. I hope I answered your question. And anything else I say and I’m stretching it, but you see you have to take a position you have to take as you have to just open yourself up and position yourself with the with a mind where you’re doing charity. Anything else you’ve tried to fix, you will be hurt, you try to overpower them, you will be hurt. And there are more expenses that you will incur as a result of using a wrong strategy or putting yourself in any other situation. This is my observation and I could be wrong though. I could be wrong. So but either way.

Hopefully, this is helpful. If it is let me know. Have a wonderful Saturday and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your questions, and I appreciate everything. Thank you

Setting Impossible Goals Can Lead To Success

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

I do not have any questions for today’s podcast. But then this is something that had been on the back of my mind for a long time, I have been talking to a lot of people about goals, goal setting, action, taking commitments, and all that. So I wanted to, I was looking for an opportunity to talk about this. So here we are, it’s a Friday.

So welcome back to Success with Srini. I want to keep this very simple, given this is the weekend. Let’s see where this goes. Okay, so here’s the problem. I highlighted this problem multiple times on the podcast, which is people set simple goals, they achieved them, and they feel good about themselves. My message and my observation with myself and the people that I have worked with are there has to be a goal that you need to set that is almost impossible to achieve. But if you achieve it, it’s going to not only change your life but will change the lives of many other people who are directly dependent on you. Connected to you, correlated to you, whatever. Not only that, but everybody else literally changes everybody else’s life changes multiple lives. The impact has to be big, it has to be huge. But chances are you will never be able to achieve that goal. There has to be a pursuit of that goal. There are three goals that are in my life that I want to pursue, and I continuously pursue them. I know it’s not going to happen. Of the two of them, I don’t think they will happen. One of them is a high possibility it may happen, but I’m not sure but still impossible. Now, here’s the fun part. When I set myself up for these goals, I knew they are going to be impossible. But my goal was to make them possible. There are many goals that I’ve set for myself, and I have achieved them, there are goals that I keep setting for myself, and I achieved them. In fact, last night, I set a goal for myself, I want to achieve in the next two weeks. At the start of October, I set a goal for myself in a 90-day goal for myself. And I’m working on it.

So here’s where I’m going with this, I’m going to spend the next couple of minutes, I’m going to explain why you should have at least one goal that is impossible to attain. And I’m going to share with you the backstory, I’m going to give you one goal that I set for myself, which was impossible. And hopefully, it is becoming possible, we’ll see. When you set impossible goals, there are three things that will happen, for sure happen to me, I’m seeing it happening to others, very sure it’s gonna happen to you. Number one, you will learn, you will learn at a level that is very difficult to learn from seeing other people do or from books or listening to a podcast like this, you will learn at a whole different level. And depending upon how quickly you want to go after this impossible goal, you may learn things faster. There are mistakes you’re gonna make. And from those mistakes, you will discover yourself at a whole different level. But the most important part of all this is you want to understand the gap between where you stand and who you want to become that gap will be understood. I’m not saying how to bridge the whole thing, because bridging the whole gap means that you attain that goal. And this is an impossible goal. So the goal is not to really really attain it. But then all the good things that will come as a result of that are what is going to help you attain other goals. So you learn new lessons as a part of that you understand the gap. And you keep the brain active. That’s a bigger one. You’ll keep the brain active with new learnings right brain, and the left brain all these things magic, magical things happen. Okay, the second part to this is you’re going to break from your comfort zone very very quickly. We live our life in zones. We have a friend zone comfort zone seclusion zone, somewhat you know rushed zone, different zones. And the bottom line is we want to do things that we are comfortable with. We don’t want to try new things we don’t want to break the patterns that we are familiar with. So allows you to break your comfort zone but there is something else. If this is done the right way. You’re going to raise and set a new Comfort Zone altogether. Think about that for a second. The last one is a big one. When you set impossible goals, there is a high possibility that you will meet, interact and spend time with high achievers. When you spend time with high achievers, you unconsciously model them.

I was recently taught to someone, and I discourage them to come into my coaching program. And the reason behind that was, I told them, You don’t need me. And I don’t think you need anybody or any mentor. See, sometimes we want to the mind go there. Yeah, we’ll hire a mentor and get this done. Getting a mentor in a way that is outsourcing is thought of as outsourcing route tasking. I have a mentor. So I don’t, I don’t worry about they’ll do it. For me. Usually, mentors don’t do anything for you, to guide you, you have to do it, but there is this expectation that okay, I have to because there is a mentor, I can innovate, ask my mentor to do something for me. But when you surround yourself with high achievers, you automatically unconsciously move towards and model them. So I discourage this gentleman, I said, don’t need, you don’t need a mentor. You don’t need me, you need an environment within which you can work with. And you can experience high achievers. I’ll give you an example. Many, many years ago, I set a goal for myself to go climb Everest, I talked about this multiple times on this podcast. It was very important, but it was very difficult. It was a difficult, not the physical aspect is obviously difficult, because you have to put in days and days and months and you know, years of effort to really get yourself physically there. But then, so many things you have to work through emotionally, mentally, and all that. So there is a lot of moving a lot of variables have to come together for that goal to happen. But I learned a lot through the process. I did come out of my comfort zone before you know hiking six miles or five miles was difficult. But then I got into a pattern of literally, now I have a higher zone even though I’m not actively working towards going to Everest as much as I do here and there. But most of the time 678 10 miles a day twice a day is easier. No big problem. Not a big deal at all. Of course, as a part of this pursuit, I went to multiple mountains and met some incredible achievers, and the conversations are priceless.

That mindset is priceless. And my ability to model something in real-time is priceless. As I said at the beginning of this podcast, I said when you set a goal and achieve it, you can literally change the world. We’re talking about mountaineering, we’re talking about averaging the goal that I had for myself, George Mallory and Sandy Irwin set themselves up this impossible task literally to get to the highest point on the earth, which is Mount Everest. And George Mallory attempted that a couple of times I think I could be wrong. But in the last attempt with Sandy Ervin, both of them died and died on the mountain. And George Mallory died very young, he was only 37 years old. And eventually, in 1999, his body was found literally, and there is a debate about whether he succeeded or not did he summit both of them submitted their horror, but the bottom line. It’s now known that they were carrying a camera. And the goal was to find the camera the camera was not found Sandy Ervin was not found but George Mallory’s body was found and his jacket was found. But George Mallory did something before leaving for Everest. He told his wife Ruth that he was going to take a photograph, he will carry his wife’s photograph and you need to leave the photograph on the summit. That photo was not found in a jacket. So we don’t know whether he’s submitted it or not. But here is the case. In this entire effort and story, George Mallory did something that he inspired and motivated hundreds and 1000s and 10s of 1000s of people to attempt Mount Everest. And his set forward, an incredible, incredible feat, which is of which most people don’t credit, which I was also not aware, which is George Mulder and his team at that point in time became one of the first to go beyond 8000 meters. So George Mallory got up to 26,247 feet on Mount Everest, which is almost 8000 feet, and was the first so if there is any first. So whether he’s he got on to the summit or not is debatable.

And let’s say they did not, but then you can’t debate the fact that they got to over 1000 meters, and they were the first in the world at least George Mallory was. So set goals that are hard. They’re not impossible. So you motivate, and you inspire a whole generation of people. You know, as I’m talking about George Mallory, Mount Everest, and I’m just having goosebumps, literally. Okay, I’m gonna stop here. Hopefully, this is helpful. If it is, let me know.

And tomorrow, I’ll have some more time to go back and check my inbox. I think I heard some I flagged a few of the emails from questions that have come in. And then I also scan my text messages to see some of the questions that I did not answer yet on the podcast. I’m going to get to them. So go enjoy your Friday. I will catch up with you tomorrow. Thank you.

Three Things That Are Separating You From Your Outcomes

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

On the podcast today, I want to share with you three things that are directly contributing to you not getting your success or not getting the outcomes that you have in your mind. Now, today’s podcast episode is not a direct question. But there are numerous questions within the space and I have been responding to some via text. Of course, I’m recording the podcast episodes here. But then this is just my observation. So here is where this is coming from. So you have the intent, you’re working hard, you’re putting in the effort, you’re giving it time, and you’re doing everything that you can. But somehow it’s not happening somehow the results are not there somehow. And you don’t know why. I have personally seen this with me. And I have also seen with people who I work with, and there are three reasons why people despite giving it everything they have, despite having the talent, skill, gift, all that on their side, they’re not able to produce the outcomes. Three things. This actually is more to do with me than anybody else. And I’ve seen this pattern with me.

So I’m going to take my position, okay, as if it has happened. I’m going through it, I’m going to tell you, these three things are responsible for me not hitting my outcomes and my goals. Okay, so let’s get into this. Number one is an estimation. You’re setting goals, you’re setting objectives, you’re setting yourself up for an outcome, you are a good student of goal setting, or you’re a master at goal setting. But still, it’s not happening because somewhere destination is incorrect. Either you’re oversimplifying it, or you are overcomplicating it. When I say you, it’s me have done this, at the bottom of it is effort. I don’t understand the effort. The risk I’m willing to take, but I don’t understand the effort. If you don’t understand the effort behind the goal behind an outcome that you’re seeking, how will you bring your talent, your skill, your experience, and your know-how all to the table? You cannot. And this is the single biggest bottleneck I faced for years. In everything that I did. And for a moment I thought I can never get control of this problem so I set goals I cannot achieve. I find myself always lacking something. It turns out that nothing to do with my talent skill intent. It has to do with my inability to estimate. Okay. The next one, is procrastination. I’ve done multiple podcast episodes on this. I want to do I know I can do it. I know it’s important. Let’s do it tomorrow. Let’s do it next week. The model is the next week, the next month.

Now we’ll come something or other some excuse, some weird thinking, some deep detached, rationale, or whatever you want to say it always separates me from my goal. And I can tell you I can’t run seminars on procrastination because of master procrastinator myself. It’s a constant fight. I fight every day. So if somebody says so here is the formula for how to overcome procrastination. Yes, I have given those formulas here on the podcast too. And I can say that yes. And you can find it anywhere. Why would you listen to a podcast? The bottom line truth is this. My job is to tell you what, what the real stuff the real meat without the fluff. So the point is if you have you procrastinate a lot, you defer a lot. You talk yourself out of situations a lot. Then it’s a fight you have to fight every day. Every day. There is no way to eliminate this. There aren’t people who claim they can eliminate procrastination, but it comes even trade right now. I’m recording this podcast. I was like, I cannot wait can I record this maybe an hour later? The thought comes in and I’m like no way more to get into this. I’m gonna record this. I have set myself up to record my courses and training. Say okay, I’m gonna record it between 10 and 12 in the morning, before noon, I’ll get it done. Next thing I know who is nine o’clock the night Am I done with it? So if I don’t do the stuff that I planned in the morning by night, then I am now literally off from my tomato schedule. And, um, it just stacks up against you. So there’s no way out there is no solution to action, you got to act. So you can change some variables, you can change your schedules, you can change your environment, with whatever it takes for you to get into action, do it if you are unable to overcome procrastination, except that you procrastinate and then come back and do it. Whatever it is, procrastination is the biggest in my observation, I still fight every day. And still there in me, I cannot completely eliminate it from my existence. The third one that is stopping you from your get from you getting your outcome. And it has happened to me also is direction. Direction. So you have the most wonderful car, the biggest engine, the best, pick up the best 02 100 in three seconds, whatever, the fastest, most eloquent car that you can drive. And nobody has this kind of car. But then you are on the wrong side of the freeway, or you are on the right side of the freeway, but going in the opposite direction, you cannot get to your destination. Simple. So the direction is something that people lose that foreign people, you know, you’ve seen entrepreneurs, you’ve seen investors, you see creators, content creators or social media creators, I mean, people, entrepreneurs, specifically, but then sports stars, people lose the form. So they are doing something and suddenly, they cannot do it anymore. And somehow they lose. And now suddenly they find themselves at a point where they need some direction.

They have the skill level talent, and they have the capability but they need direction. So the direction is could be the one that is stopping you. And my suggestion to you is if you give yourself a lot of time to find direction, you’ll find it see you’re lost in the jungle if you keep on going in every direction for the rest of your life eventually will come, to civilization. Nobody has that amount of time. And nobody has that level of flexibility. So it comes down to either you become your own GPS with time or you find a GPS. So for that, you need external help. My suggestion to you is every time you are lacking direction, then somehow pick the mind of an outsider. Not yours. Okay, oh, of course, you can if you can get there. But it’s better to pick somebody else’s mindset or somebody else’s help so that you can find they will tell you which direction you have to go ideally, or with their help, you can collectively find the direction. Going back to the second point of procrastination is a couple of things I want to quickly add before we wrap this up. You know, I’ve seen people who despite best intent, talent, and financials, have everything but they somehow the caving, and caving in means that they are like yeah, I know I can do it. But oh, I have to do so much stuff. For it’s fun and doing all that stuff. I understand I’ll be successful. But yeah, I have to go through all that. Like, yeah, I understand that if I lose 20 pounds and I want to look good, I feel good. But then to lose 20 pounds, I have to go through like three years of working out and eating. You know, not eating junk for three years and drinking water like 10 times a day. I don’t want to deal with this. It’s okay. It’s okay if I live like this no big deal. And they go back to living that life. But then they know that life is not what they want. And they become angry. Is he the way they deal with fear is that anger so the fear of putting in a lot of work? So they word putting in a lot of work, but then they don’t like the situation there.

They go back to their old city. tuition, it’s painful, and they become angry. They don’t know what to do. Giving in is a prime example. One of the primary reasons so one of the primary symptoms of procrastination sometimes they don’t know that they are, that procrastinating but they are. Okay. That’s all for now. Those are three things. Hopefully, this helps. These are some dominant thoughts in my mind. And all these things have happened to me that said at the beginning of this podcast, and be watchful, be careful. Okay, that’s all for now. I will catch up with you tomorrow. Stay tuned.