The 3 Essentials of a Good Coach

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There comes a time in everybody’s life, when they start to realize that no matter what they do, or whatever they’re doing is not enough. They don’t know what to do. But they realize that they’re putting in the effort, the time the energy, but somehow things are not happening somehow it’s not coming together. And they start to believe that they need other people’s thoughts and ideas and solutions to deal with their own problems. So today, on the podcast, I want to take a moment and talk about how to take other people’s ideas into your life, and deal with your situations.

Welcome back to success with Srini Happy Friday morning to you. It’s a Friday. So I want to keep this very simple and to the point. Over the years, I’ve seen it all, I think I do. Regardless of how much we think we have seen it all, there’s always a level of event, a level of exposure that finds us so innocent, that it breaks our innocence. So I can’t say I’ve seen it all. But I’ll tell you, at least I’ve seen some shades in this business. I’ve seen people who say that I will never have a problem. And then they see other people’s problems, but they cannot relate. They think they will not go through it themselves. Eventually, they do. And then they deny that this problem is temporary, it’s going to go away. And then they start to see and realize that the problem is persisting. And then they try to find a solution for themselves. And some do get some do not. And eventually, there comes a point when they surrender to the problem, they say, you know, I cannot deal with it anymore, I need some help, I need somebody else to look into this.

Now, this is a self-improvement podcast, we talk about self-improvement here. But this thing plays out everywhere it plays out, you have a headache, you have a cold, you try to solve it yourself, you go and buy some medication over the counter, then it doesn’t go away, then you go and take an appointment or maybe go to urgent care depending on how severe it is. And then you start to graduate through the ladder. So you try to solve it yourself, then you try to go to urgent care or then you go to your primary care physician, then, you know, all beyond that point, it gets referred to some expert. And I’m giving that example because I went through that nearly about 20. Now 24 years ago, on a Labor Day weekend, which started as a common cold and eventually landed me in a pulmonary disease expert, literally trying to save me from atypical pneumonia. I think I was dead.

This was literally 24 years ago. And that’s the day that I made a promise to myself don’t want to come back and recover and I’m going to build good health for myself. And ever since I have never been in a setup like that, where I lost my lungs, and almost, you know, dead never faced that situation. That’s where I’m giving that example. But coming back to the point where we start to realize that we can’t deal with the problems. So we go to some experts. Now there will come a point in your life. If you’re a student of success, when you are learning life, you’re learning carrier business, finances, law, politics, you’re learning. As you keep learning, there comes a point where you start to feel and you will feel that I need some help. And I need it because things that I’m approaching the way I’m doing are not working. At that point in time. You will either if you’re lucky, you have surrendered to the right people, then you probably are okay.

But then you really need intervention. And I don’t wish that that happens to you. But then that happens to a lot of people we need interventions. So we go to coaching we go to mentors, we want to work with people who already know the game and there is a lot of people who claim to know the game, including me and I’m also no different but then question have become says how as some you from your side? What are the things that you need to see in a coach before you know that you’re in good hands?

So this is completely based on my experience working with people. There are three things that you need to see in a coach. Now cortisol You know, notorious, when things don’t work, they turn it around and say, because you did not participate as a client, then as a court, I failed. So you did not participate. That’s why I did not I could not co-create the outcome for you. Because this is not something tangible, everything can go everywhere. So it’s very difficult to contain something that’s not tangible. So what is the measure here? The measure is simple. Good coaching will help you deal with situational challenges. That’s the measure. So how are you dealing with a situation that you have got going right now, let’s say you’re about to be fired from your job. You talk to your career coach, and the suggestion was given to you or your career coach to act upon, the specific problem at the moment is what defines the approach, the mindset, and the experience of the coach.

So the coach is, that effectiveness comes from the suggestion given to you at that moment when you are feeling something is incorrect, and you’d really need help at that moment. And that is situational. So, successful coaching is measured through situations. That’s step number one. But then that’s good coaching. Now, not all, not every aspect of coaching is situational, some have some holistic approach, some have some strategy to it, there are some tactics, and who knows when the strategy and tactics come together to help you in a specific situation, as you are going through life very difficult. But at the core, is your confidence, a good coach should instill confidence, and possibility, paint a good picture, and take you along the way not necessarily solving problems for you, but helping you. You solve the problems yourself and build confidence. Now, there are three things a good coach should do. And this is something for you to consider. And by the way, when I say you need coaching, I mean that there are people in your life right now who need coaching from you, and you don’t see it, your children, your spouse, your friends, they need coaching, they’re asking you questions. So the three things that you should do for them. Think about this, not necessarily that you go into court and ask, you know, looking for these things, but to yourself behaving like a coach.

The first and foremost thing is that you instill a sense of purpose in people who are reaching out to you. A good coach instills a sense of purpose into his or her clients. That’s step one. If somebody, if you can’t instill a sense of purpose to your children, or to or to a spouse, or whatever, the people around you, then you’re not really having a good conversation. Every time I talk to my friends, every time I talk to any of my clients, the first and foremost thing is I take whatever they’re telling me and draw them back to purpose. That’s where I start. The second part is a good coach will always keep on clarifying goals. They will keep on clarifying the goal, Hey, why are you doing this? What’s the purpose? Of course, the purpose is once the stepping stone, but why are you doing this? What’s the outcome? What does it take to get to the outcome, you should, your goal is and is intact, is working towards the goal. So why you’re doing what you’re doing has to be discussed, and has to be talked about a lot. So it’s something that I try to do with, you know, people forget, or, you know, people tell me that they came to America for something and they lost their path, they’re doing something else completely, they started doing something and along the way is something changed. And then a few other things change and a few other things change. And next, they don’t know what they’re doing anymore. So clarifying goals is important, and a good coach does that. And the last one is a good coach will try to change the behavior, bodily behavior, but also thought the good code should be able to change your thinking. And when they change their thinking, the behavior on the ground changes. So that’s what we call transformation. That’s what we call change. That’s all you know, people step in into the door in some way, and when they step out, they’re completely different individuals. A good coach should be able to do that.

These are three things. Now let’s talk about where all these three things apply. Job change, business growth, fitness, weight loss, smoking, making money, increasing conviction, increasing self-confidence, all that everywhere. You take one area and you go to a coach, a good coach will be able to apply these three things. And that’s the start, there are more things a good coach has to do. But this is the start. Let’s say, you cannot do steps two and step three, just focus on sense of purpose. If you focus, on every conversation you have with people, you focus 20% of your conversation is focused on instilling a sense of purpose in them, automatically, your life will improve. You go have this conversation with your spouse, with your partner with your children, with your co-workers, you just talk about, you know, talk a lot, whatever you want to talk about, but then 20% of your talk should be about their purpose. And see the magic happen. I promise you, your life is going to change.

Okay, I want to stop here, have a wonderful Friday. I’ll catch up with you, as early as tomorrow morning right here on success with the training. And listen, if you if this podcast is making sense to you, and you’re finding some value, then do me a favor, just write a review, or just respond back to me just send make a comment should be able to do that. On the podcasting app. If you’re listening, you’re listening to this on your iPhone or iOS device inside your podcasting app, then scroll down and this will be a place for you to write a review comment, you know, good or bad, whatever you think just write so that I know that you know I’m on the path. I’m not worried about how bad this is, and I know I need to improve a lot. I get that. But I just need to get some feedback. So do that. For me. They’re watching this on YouTube. There should be a place for you to write a comment to. Okay, wherever you are, be safe, and I’ll catch up with you as early as tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Self-Hypnosis: When It’s Helpful and When It’s Not

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On the podcast today, I want to take a few moments and talk about hypnosis, when to use hypnosis when not to use hypnosis. I’ve been getting a lot of questions, and I thought I should dedicate a whole episode to it. So if you’re interested in hypnosis, then today’s podcast episode is for you. If not, this should always be a lesson in this. So I’m hoping that it’s going to speak to everyone that speaks to you about when to use hypnosis when not to use hypnosis, how hypnosis works, and a variety of questions have come in. Because in the past, I did talk about what is hypnosis and how to use hypnosis, and why I think it’s one of the most, most effective tools to deal with any life challenge that one has got going. And each one of us has challenges. So nobody is immune. But I never specifically said when hypnosis should not be used. And as a professional doing it, I think I should talk about it. So the questions also came along those lines. So I said, I’m going to make the distinction.

There are four specific areas. Let’s talk about the user and when to use it, and I’ll tell you, I’ll also share some of my thoughts on when not to use and when to use it. If you are a goal-oriented individual, and you are achieving a specific action, then hypnosis is very good. So for example, you want to eat right sleep, right? Or you want to bring in any specific habit that you’re struggling to bring in. So you know, something, a good habit is necessary, but you’re struggling to, to kind of get into the rhythm of putting in a good habit, then hypnosis helps. You want to get rid of one habit. Hypnosis helps. So a goal or any goal you have making money, starting a business, getting a promotion, whatever any of those areas, hypnosis, self-hypnosis works. So performances particularly help.

The second category second area where hypnosis works is you went to a therapist, you had a session, and the therapist asked you to do some Homework. Homework is the right word. So some homework elements are involved. So you go, the therapist will tell you a good therapist will tell you to go home, and practice self-hypnosis. That’s when you do and the reason why we do that is that there are things that need to be done beyond just a session, so that the next time around when you come back to the second or third session, these things get really cemented. So anytime a therapist will ask you to go do a post, you know, a self-hypnosis session after an in-person or therapist-driven session, you should do it. And most of the time I do it is because I want to instill some confidence in the subject. Once they’re done with me, I tell them to try doing it most of the time session the Self Mastery session, which the subject does on their own when they’re alone is much more effective than a session with a therapist. It’s my observation when done right.

The third category where self-hypnosis is used is enhancement. An area that you know that you are skilled in an area that you know that you have a passion for, some experience in in the past, but then that area was never visited anymore. You got busy with time with life, but you have it in new somewhere and you want to bring it and then enhancement, you want to enhance it then hypnosis self-hypnosis works, wonders, magic magical how you can catch up and how quickly you can come back into the game. Creativity is an area of anything creative, creative art, creative writing, music, and all this anything that you have within you any skill or talent you have within you that you did not touch upon. Self Hypnosis would bring it into life. The last area where Salford masses works control. You want to control anger, and control, for example, let’s say your pain to mass is very effective controlling pain or anything else you are in crowd control. You are a manager leader. If you want to control hypnosis self-hypnosis works wonders. So allows you to center yourself, you know strengthen your senses a lot of things happen. Now, let’s talk about areas where you should not use self-hypnosis. The first method is most as you have a medical illness and you’re trying to use self-hypnosis. I wouldn’t suggest it unless you talk to somebody who has the experience, or a third professional or therapist, and once they tell you to do it, it’s okay. But then I do not. So I’ve seen people who have come to our websites and download recordings and all in once I talk to them, I tell them now.

So not a good idea if you have a medical illness going on, or you’re trying to resolve a medical illness using hypnosis, self-hypnosis, if you have had some trauma, growing up in childhood trauma, and not good idea, to use self-hypnosis, because self-hypnosis can really stimulate those emotions can bring those emotions back. And if you do not know how to control them, then they’ll start dominating your present life. So not a good idea. If you have conflicts, if you have a conflict with somebody, and you had a conflict for a long time, self-hypnosis, is not a good thing, because those conflicts can come back again, in your mind, and it can really affect other areas too. So it doesn’t matter if somebody is alive or this individual is alive or dead doesn’t matter. It’s not a good idea to use the selfhood process at a time when a conflict, the effects of a past conflict digital dominant in their mind. Then, if you have phobias, fears, and phobias, not fears, but phobias, specifically, then not a good idea to use self-hypnosis.

Now, these are, you know, very high level, again, these are some high-level areas, these are from the top of my mind, but then there could be other areas where you shouldn’t be using hypnosis, self-hypnosis, without the presence of a therapist. Is it necessary to succeed in it’s necessary to go to a therapist and, and all that? My answer is no, I think that hypnosis is a skill, that is a learned skill that anybody can learn. And this is not something that I had a gift with or anything I learned, be very clear. I become inquisitive, I became a student. That’s a whole different story. But it’s not a skill that was given to me gifted or any of that stuff. So didn’t come from a mother’s womb, I promise you. And the other thing that did come, but not this one, and this can be learned by anyone, and a good therapist is somebody who is going to teach you on how to do it. So if you’re in a setup where you’re not learning this then or if you’re going to a therapist and spending money not getting to know what this is, I think you’re wasting your time.

Okay. I’m gonna stop here. That’s all. If I drag this out, then I think it’s going to it’s not going to be of help. It’s not going to be of benefit to you. So that’s all for now. Wherever you are, be safe. Have a wonderful Thursday, and I will catch up with you tomorrow. Take care bye now.

Why People Get Angry Easily: The Disease of the Modern World

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Welcome back to the podcast today, again answering your question. This question has come in for a long time now. It goes like this. “Hi, Srini, I’m 49 years old, I have two great kids, one in college, and one in high school, and have a great family and a great job. I’m a C-level executive, also an angel investor with many investments in Silicon Valley in startups. My question to you is I get triggered? I do not know why.”

Very interesting question. Thank you appreciate the question. So for those who are, who do not understand the spot, where he says, I get triggered, he is saying that he gets angry. Okay. So there are many podcast episodes I have done here. And talking about anger and things that stimulate anger, and how to overcome anger and all that this question is not about how to overcome anger, this question, I think is, and the way I read it is, you know, why am I getting triggered? Or why am I getting angry? So my very short and quick answer to this question without knowing much is you doing a lot? Very simple, you’re doing a lot. Maybe this has to do with the way you’re allocating your time. And the allocation is correct. Maybe this is this has to do with energy. So stress is where I’m going with this. I’m just focusing on the health part. Health is where I would focus. And I don’t think the question is how to overcome it. Because if that was the question, then there are so many ways, I’m pretty sure you might have tried many things. So from a health perspective, I would see if I can eliminate a few things that might be contributing to this, which are inconsistent eating, and irregular eating, I think they both are the same. But inconsistent means you don’t have a proper menu that you eat, you have regular means you don’t have a proper time that you eat, you’re all over the place. Maybe sugar is contributing, maybe some hormonal changes are contributing, we don’t know that. So I would focus on that. And for that, there are very specific and well-documented methods to address this. So I won’t worry about that. I think you’re doing that already.

Now, let’s talk about why this is happening. And the first and foremost thing I would focus on is the environment through which you were raised, I would, I would look into that, I would also look into the societies that you deal with, or you carry yourself in where you see others. Maybe I’m just making this up. And you have to excuse me for saying this, because this may not be the case. Maybe you are working and you’re overcompensating for other people’s success. So others are working on getting the success you are putting in the effort and you’re not getting so you’re overcompensating, which means you’re overworking for the same result that otherwise other people are or not. And that is coming at a cost. And in order for that to be balanced, those emotions have to be taken out somewhere. So maybe that is leading to the displacement. So anger, displacement, that emotional displacement is happening. So there is that pot, there is another angle to this, maybe this could be by birth, maybe you’re wired this way. Maybe it runs in your family, maybe in 22,009 2010, there was finally conclusive evidence that your genetics are playing a role, the researchers concluded there is a specific gene, I believe the HT is to be, and we talk about this all the time. Now I’ve been talking about this is responsible for anger, to persist across generations, something like that. So maybe this has to do. Only you can answer this. And I cannot. But could be. And now, I’m telling you after I read about that research, and I go back and look into all the cases that I’ve dealt with, clearly the anger runs in families.
So these are two or three things that come to my mind. This is what’s happening. And I don’t think the question is how to deal with it because I’ve done more than happy to send you all the past recordings that I talked about anger and all that there is a mindful way to approach to deal with it. There is a very, very autonomous way to deal with it, which is hypnosis and all that. That’s where my area of work comes in. So there are so many ways to deal with that. It’s not the question if you want to eliminate it completely from your system. And unfortunately, this is very difficult to remove from the system. You can take classes you can build understanding, and develop understanding. But here’s what I suggest, I think your kids and family, already know this dynamic.

So they are very aware of your situation, probably they already made a truce with it. But as much as you learn about why this is happening with you, I think they also should learn to expect this to happen with you. So they have to learn to do on their end, you have to do learning on your end, their learning is probably very mature already, I think. So, my one-line suggestion is, again, this may work or may not work in the situation. But usually, when somebody has a bad temper, and a lot of displacement going on, I suggest that they practice empathy. And there are so many routines that are available online on how to practice empathy. And I did a podcast talking about how to do it. It’s interesting how angry people lack empathy when it’s needed. But then also take the first opportunity to wash off their guilt by doing the same thing to somebody else that otherwise they don’t want to do to their loved ones. It’s funny, it’s weird how that works. But I’m not saying, that this applies to you, but you get an idea. Maybe I’ll practice if you’re practicing it already. And I will practice even more.

There isn’t a direct way to eliminate anger, anger is contained. Anger is put in a cup or in a jar and sealed. You cannot take it out completely from the jar and say the jar is empty. Now if it is empty, that means the anger is somewhere and most probably within you. Somewhere within you need to really, you know, seal it off. Okay. That’s all hopefully answered your question. If not do let me know. And that’s all for now today. And as I say that all the time here, wherever you are, be safe. Thank you. Thank you for your questions to everybody who’s listening.

Thank you for your support. Please keep those questions coming. I will catch up with the questions from my end. And I’ll be back here again tomorrow. That’s all for now. Talk soon.