The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Creating Good Memories

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome, welcome back to success with Srini. Happy Thursday morning to you on the podcast. Today I am answering a question. A very interesting one on relationships.

“Srini, I’ve been listening to your podcasts for a while now. And I heard your podcast on relationships. And I want to know, What is your thought? Thought or thoughts? Thought. What is your thought on having a great marriage?”

Okay, so I have multiple thoughts, not just one thought. But it looks like you only want to hear one thought from me. By the way, it says at the end it says, By the way, I’m married for nine years now. Okay. Are you happily married for nine years? That’s the question. Okay. So yeah, I have done multiple podcasts here talking about relationships. As I said, I have multiple thoughts about marriage specifically. So I’ll give you my best, I think you only asked for one. So I want to give you my best. Your job in the marriage is to keep on creating good memories, find an excuse and create a good memory. The idea behind creating good memories in marriage is that a good memory is going to eclipse a bad memory. Let’s set from age a bad memory. But it’s going to eclipse the bad memory. And if you’re not creating good memories in a marriage, then the chances are you’re you are creating bad memories. And you have no idea how you’re creating them, you’re just a party to it automatically happen. So your job is to create good memories.

Now, I cannot tell you what specifically you have to do to create a good memory. You go on vacation, you bring gifts. I don’t know what you have to do. But you have to do something to create good memories. There are a few other things. In fact, now that I’m dialed into this topic, there are a few other things that you have to do, or anybody has to do in order to have a great marriage. You see, nine years ago, you said, You got married. So nine years ago, you made a key decision. And nine years later, you are still with the decision. So that in itself signifies greatness. And you might have taken different turns and different twists and different setbacks, but you have stayed with that commitment. Some people, want to change the key decision. You know, many years ago, I was doing a seminar and somebody asked me the question about the relevance of having a big marriage. Like somebody made a comment, hey, you’re from India, and I’ve seen your, your marriages that are big, a lot of people come and all that. And I said the reason behind that is the bigger the marriage, the deeper the key decision, the stronger the key decision. The more people that come, the more people stand in front of you, the more people around you, the deeper your decision goes.

Now, I’m not saying that the decisions do not change, later on, they do but there is some truth to it, there is some depth to that statement. Okay. So, your job as I said is to create good memories. Now, your job is also to keep on clarifying the relationship. And clarifying the relationship has many, many elements, and the reason why you really don’t clarify the relationship, but you clarify the loyalty in the relationship, which is an interesting thing that you see play out in different cultures by the way, not necessarily in your culture, in my culture, but in some other cultures. There is, you know, you see couples trying to clarify loyalty in the relationships. Now you do the attractively like you provide the loyalty, then it’s regardless of which culture you belong to the relationship becomes stronger. Now talking about cultures, there are different rituals. And there are different dynamics, separate from culture to culture, but then the core underlying emotion is the same. So to people in a dynamic that is constantly changing, and evolving, that has other people interfering, some are visible, some are invisible. See, when you are marrying someone, you’re not only marrying their efficiencies, but you’re also marrying their deficiencies. And in a marriage, you see that each partner is trying to change the other in their own way. And they do that for 10, 20, 15 whatever number of years and they eventually give up you know At some point in time, some people change, but some do not. It’s weird how the dynamic is. But it’s a constantly evolving, changing dynamic. And you stay nine years in that relationship specifically. So that’s congratulations to you.

Now, a good marriage also comes with some strong boundaries. So every time two people come together, you establish a boundary. And when that boundary is, is placed, and as you function within those boundaries, you invisibly create a system. And that system in itself creates multiple other subsystems, like your children, they create a sub-system. And between the siblings, they create another sub-system. So it’s a child with the parent who creates a sub-system, children within themselves create a sub-system. So there are so many different sub-systems that come out of it. And the beauty of this is the system works should work on the top. Now, let’s talk about a bigger thing here, which is criticisms and relationships now that we are on the topic. So it’s very natural. When two people come together inside a system, they function together as one entity, there comes a point when IDs don’t match, and emotions don’t match. And there are flare-ups and all that. So how do you deal with criticism and relationships, which by the way, is the single biggest contributor to any failed marriage, and one partner, criticizes the other for things that genuinely need criticism, and sometimes has no basis for criticism? So how do you what to do within that situation? Well, here is what we know, if you say, I’m sorry.

Typically a sorry, and any conflict. We all know that. So if you say sorry, it’s over. Now, experts, you know, marriage therapists, marriage experts, they suggest something they say, in order to really create a great marriage, you still need to keep the criticism alive, you still need to you can’t change people. So whoever has to vent the How to vent. So what that suggests is that you have an hour of criticism session once a week, and you only get the right to criticize your partner during that one hour. And ideally, you should have that set up in a neutral location, preferably at a place where there are a lot of people around so that criticism is not hard. So I’ve suggested this to many of my coaching clients, and they say it’s impossible. Well, you have to really try in here to really do this. And some have reported success, some said, it’s very difficult to change somebody’s situation and make them criticize at a different place when they have the urge to criticize, yes, but since this is practice, and you start putting that in place, and you define that as a role in the system, then everybody has to follow the role. So let’s say you don’t criticize, then you set up a time you and when you criticize, you start, and then sooner or later, your partner will suck up will also come around and follow the same time. Until something as a closing note here, you know, there are some issues in marriages in any marriage, there are some issues that cannot be resolved. So anytime in any relationship, the excuse is to have a conversation. But if you’re trying to resolve something, then it’s not gonna work. I’ll tell you that with absolute clarity, you cannot resolve, you can have a conversation. You can deflate an emotion, but you cannot solve issues. Some you can not and you don’t feel bad because you could not solve because some are unsolvable.

Okay, you asked for one and I gave you many, hopefully, this is helpful. And I want to stop here. I don’t want to run anymore, because I have a few more. But maybe one day I’ll come back and I’ll do a whole different maybe a webinar or maybe a workshop when we have multiple episodes on this. We’ll see. Okay, that’s all for now. Have a wonderful Thursday and I will catch up with you as early as tomorrow. Thank you. Bye now.

Average Work Doesn’t Create Wealth (But This Will)

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome back. Happy Wednesday morning to you. Today’s podcast is a rant. And I want you to stay with me because this rant is a good one, it’s going to be a good one. Hopefully, hopefully. So the kind of profession I’m in, I get to talk to a lot of people. When people ask questions, I respond to them. Primarily back in the day via consultations, today, we are this podcast, text messages. Occasionally, when I meet people in some social setting, and they come to know that I’m there, they walk up to me asked me questions, which I wholeheartedly answer in the time that I have with them. But I also get questions from my friends, and occasionally from my family members, when they have run out of all the options, their own thinking, it’s not working.

None of the solutions that were told to them by others are not working. They want to check with me, they want to find out if I can help them. Little do they know that I’m just like them. And if everybody else is not able to help them? What can I help with? Regardless, they ask, and suddenly I find myself in long drawn-out conversations that otherwise in the end have little or no effect. I just got out of such a conversation yesterday with a friend of mine who has been looking to get a job for a long time. He hopped from one gig to another. He thinks he can make more money, he thinks he’s more qualified and has more experience, but for some reason. He’s not making money. So he was asking me what I think about his situation. So explains the whole thing, which was known to me anyway. But then because this was coming from him, I thought, if I answered it, then it’s going to work. See if I from my side, tell him what he should do. That’s not going to work. We seek it, I thought he’s seeking it. So I said, Okay, I’ll help. So this is how I approached his problem. The first question I asked him is, do you go to work? Because there is something you can do? Or do you go to work to do something? He couldn’t answer that question. And the reason why I’m sharing this video is that I want you to ask that answer to that question yourself.

You go to work because there is something there to be done or you go to work to do something. And I want you to take some time and answer this, the chances are, you go to work because there is something to be done. If that is true. And in the majority of the cases, that is the truth. And that’s what is the case with my friend, you will be unhappy. And you are getting unhappier by the day. It’s just a matter of time before you leave. And it’s just a matter of time before you go to a new job or a new dynamic. And it’s just about time that you will repeat the same thing also. So it’s important that you drive something from within you. That you go you create something or you co-create something or you influence something very rarely people do. And those people who do that make a lot of money. So I just wrapped up the conversation with one question and one explanation. So people who go to do something, make a lot of money. And the reason why you’re not making money is that you go there just because there is something to be done. Hence, it doesn’t work. It needs a little bit. So he was not happy. He wanted a bigger explanation, and I understand it needs a bigger explanation anyway. So here’s the truth. Average work doesn’t create wealth.

I’ve seen a lot of wealthy people and they and one thing are common they never did average work. They worked hard. They work. They did the same work repeatedly for a long amount of time for many, many years. But average work is not going to make you wealthy. So you need to be sincere, committed, really, really pushing the limits of Whatever you’re doing so, for that you need to have an incredible work ethic. What is this incredible work ethic that means you show up at work with enthusiasm, that you show up at work with an attitude of gratitude that which that means you show up at work, with excitement? And while you are there, you refuse to procrastinate, while you are there, you are focused while you are there you are meeting deadlines while you are there, and you are creative. While you are there, you are setting up and up and up, doing bigger and better things. And that you look at problems, you analyze problems, you look at other people’s situations, you understand them, you help them you literally take make yourself accountable to their projects and their tasks. And you really run the floor.

For lack of a better word, you run the floor. I was at one point in time running close, literally, members are stepping down on the floor. That means I’m I know exactly who is who, what they’re doing what needs to be done. And I, you know, sometimes I have found myself in situations where I do not know what people are doing. And that was the recipe for my failure and I lost out multiple times. And I, I overstayed my welcome. And I was fired multiple times. Earl Nightingale said something incredible. This court, I printed at one time in my life and posted it on my wall. And I used to wake up in the morning and look at that wall and remind myself before I used to go to work, the amount of money we receive will always be in direct ratio to the demand for what we do. Our ability to do it. And the difficulty in replacing us. The reason why my friend moves from one job to the other. Not that he is bad. It’s just that he is easily replaceable. There is nothing unique about him. There is nothing that makes him better than anybody else. Not that others have the gift but others have put in the effort.

So my message to him was that if you’re discussing this further, rather, let’s talk about what can you do to improve and make yourself more relevant, to bring in some more knowledge, some certification, some understanding something, something new, you have to bring in so that you become indispensable if not, you’ll be replaced. The truth is all of us will be replaced. Nothing is permanent anyway. But the point here is that let the employer also have difficulty in replacing you that you make yourself indispensable for the work you do and the knowledge you bring and the wisdom that you spread. Do that your money struggles go away, the insecurities go away. You become more aligned more firm, to whatever challenges come your way. And you’re always on top of your game. Very simple. And as I started talking to him, I found out that he really lacks the desire to do this. Why does something when you don’t have the desire? Why do why even get into something when you fundamentally don’t? You don’t have the desire? That means you don’t believe in what you do. You want somebody else to believe what you’re doing. See, it’s such a sad narrative. If I tell you to believe in self-improvement, and I don’t believe in it, such as sad narrative. It’s, you will figure this out. There is no way I can hide it sooner or later, you’ll figure this out. Anybody will figure this out. If I asked you to do something that I do not do them, literally. Let’s say that you can’t figure it out. Let’s say that I can totally get away with it. The truth is eventually, right? You run a race because somebody else is running with you. So you want to beat them. So you run faster. But then you run faster eventually let’s say that you are running fast, and nobody’s running with you.

There is no way that you can maintain that pace and that energy eventually you’ll run out of energy you’re gonna fall and that’s the end that’s the fall. That’s all worked with that. So there is no way life will catch up with you. One way or the other. So success whatever success you are seeking, I’m seeking all of us are seeking it involves daily grind, daily grind, success or growth each daily grind and that there are all ways, the truth is you will never ever get paid for whatever you do, you will always be paid less for what you do. And that you have to give more than what you receive. Always this rule of life, the whole conversation went very, very far. But you get the idea. And I asked him, I told him to remove any self, these are all limitations, and I’m old, and I can’t go and take a certificate and everything that I told him, that was an objection. Anything I was telling him, there was an objection. So I kept on. Now I don’t think I have anymore. I’m not as good of a learner, my kids are going to college now. And all of them that just serving him his position he’s understanding. So unless you don’t remove your own self-imposed limitations, none of the strategies and techniques work. Very simple. There’s no secret to this. I’m going to stop here, this has gone too far. There was a bit more to that conversation. But I’m going to stop here. Hopefully, this is helpful. The reason why I’m sharing this video is that I want you to take charge of your career. get control of your actions, put yourself in a mode of momentum where you’re constantly, you know, working and feeling good about the work that you’re doing. And you apply yourself holistically through everything that you intend to do. And job becomes. You know work is very simple, you know, work. Your work should be your life. And your life is nothing but the body of your work. And you work in such a way that you forget yourself. I’m promising you I’m recording the podcast, I forget myself. I’m not here because I need to do something I need to get over it. No, never. But I’m recording I’m forgetting myself. And I’m also forgetting time. If you do your work, right, you don’t know the time. You don’t know which day it is.

Sometimes I don’t know which day it is. Because Sunday or Monday or Tuesday is all they’re all same for me. I live every day the same. I do everything every day and I’m the same. It’s not like I’m gonna relax, relate a Friday and there’s no Friday. There is no Monday. They’re all the same. Your wants disappear. If you really are working your wants disappear. You’re working for money. Oh, I need to get some money. If I don’t make money. Oh, it’s just a bad, absolutely a bad narrative. Just a bad narrative. So I told him to go get some passion. Or find some passion, get some passion. You can’t buy passion, but you get to the point. Go, become passionate about what you do. You can’t become passionate about what you’re doing. Change your careers, go do something else or sit on the sidelines and watch the parade go by. As simple as that.

Okay, I’m going to start here you have a wonderful, wonderful Wednesday. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Hopefully, today’s podcast is going to you know, bring that focus back into you. So you start taking seriously your job, whatever work that you do, you’ll start taking that seriously even in business, you run a business, you know, people get into funk state. All the time I get into a funk state. I need to bring my seriousness back. That’s how you do it. You got to ask some serious questions. Okay. That’s all wherever you want to be safe and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye now.

You Are Who You Are, And That’s Enough – The Truth About Self-Acceptance

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

On the podcast today, I want to take a few moments and share with you a five-step process that I came across many, many years ago as a part of my own learning my own self-exploration, as I was starting self-improvement and all that when I was getting new when I was getting into it, I came across this. And maybe I’m not sure what I might have shared this before, on this podcast, or maybe not, I do not know, see, I’m recording these podcasts every day. I don’t remember what I said. And there is a possibility that you as a listener, and I’m thinking that you are listening to this podcast, forever.

From the beginning, I don’t think there is any way you will be able to remember, if I’m recording this, and I’m spending time on it. And I’m doing it thinking that I’ve not done it before, there is I don’t think there is any way you as a listener would be able to remember, moreover, there is a high possibility that you are listening to this podcast, for the very first time, today’s episode for the very first time. So the failed, you know, the knowledge that I might have not recorded this before. And published this back, I am approaching this as if I’m doing this for the very first time. Okay, so that’s my excuse. So many, many years ago, when I was starting, I came across this five-step process on how to really be happy, and how to really be fulfilled and, and have this sense of tranquility, and that sense of fulfillment and sense of actualization, within yourself. I think all of us need this, the more we think we have it, the more we have to preserve it. And we need to be very aware of it. Hence, today’s podcast is the first step in this five-step formula. Now I call it a formula because it worked with me and it’s worked with many of my clients, the first step is to be what you are, it doesn’t matter who has what doesn’t matter what you think you should have had, but you do doesn’t matter what you let go to have what you have today. That means the price you pay to get here, doesn’t matter. You are who you are, you are unique. You are different, 7 billion people, you are unique. I’ll tell you, you will be unique. If even if there are 14 billion people on Earth, and you keep on raising the population to 200 billion still then you will be unique. You can do things that I cannot do you have gifts that I do not have you have talents that I do not have, you have blessings that I do not have. So it’s okay to be you. So be what you are, then use what you know.

A few days ago, I was here talking about learning and knowledge and all that. Great. If you can learn well, I think everybody should learn you’re listening to this podcast. But I’m hoping that you are told you are here to learn something. So it’s important to learn learning keeps the brain active. And there are numerous studies now to prove that an active learning mind can really sustain a long, you know, duration of life. So, learn what I see something happening with people. I hear people tell me that they’re not able to learn fast. Yeah, so I don’t want you to curse yourself, I don’t want you to punish yourself because you’re not learning faster. There is no race. This is not a race, there is no middle at the end and there is no end anyway. So why not learn? Learn, be the best student, become the best student forget about learning become the best student, the best student is always inquisitive. A best friend is always curious. The best student is always a student. Simple. So use what you know, don’t worry about somebody else making a bigger outcome from whatever they know. Use what you know. And there’s no comparison here. Then give what you have. All of us have something that we could give. There is somebody who needs something that you only uniquely you possess. They need it. Only you can give them nobody else if I give them it’s not going to work only you can give interesting and there is always an excuse that you can find trying to give something away whether your time whether your money, there’s always an excuse, and doesn’t matter what the excuse is, the giving is what matters. Excuses are not important. So if you can give what you have, then the fourth one In this is love as you be loved. How could it be possible that you expect love from everybody? But you are always angry? You have a bad temperament. You put down everyone. You put yourself above everyone, why is it? I meet people. And I see this happening everywhere in all spheres of life. Doesn’t make any sense. So you’re getting love, give the love. And the story did a whole episode on this two days ago or three days ago, I believe. And finally, the last one is you got to pursue the truth. Whatever the truth is for you, but for the truth.

Recently, I was talking to someone. And they said, there is no point in spending time trying to figure out spirituality. Because not many people could nobody has figured it out not many people. But nobody figured this out. If so many such people from the past spent so much time trying to figure out spirituality and failed. Why should I spend my time? I don’t want to argue this. It’s I don’t have any data to prove that others could not figure out spirituality. And I do not know that the next generation and generations that are going to come after us are not going to figure out spirituality I think every individual has their own connection with their higher self. I can’t question that. But that said, What is my connection? Just because somebody pursued the truth and couldn’t get it doesn’t necessarily invalidate my effort. I should pursue the truth regardless. But here’s what we know about truth, the truth will set us free. So the pursuit is essential. Whether we become free or not, it’s a whole different discussion. But the pursuit is essential.

These were five things that I picked up. And all I’m doing as I’m sharing with you, and I’m kind of sharing my experiences and my evolution, or whatever little bit I have around these concepts that I picked up many, many years ago. I hope this is of help. If it is do me a favor, and drop me a comment. You’re watching this on YouTube. And you’re listening to this on a podcasting app, there should be a place for you to rate the podcast and write a review and all that so please go ahead and do that. And I’ll be back here again tomorrow either with a question from one of the listeners to the podcast or whatever I have on my mind. Stay tuned. Bye now.