How to Raise a Successful Child: The Teen Years

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Welcome, or welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Tuesday morning to you on the podcast today, I’m answering a question that has come into my Facebook page as a message. This question came in nearly about a month ago. And while I was trying to catch up with everything that was going on, I didn’t find the time to answer. But today, I have the time. So this is from a mother, who is dealing with a teenage son who is not lately not being disciplined, and not focused on his studies. The question is like this, “Hi, Srini, I was looking for some insight to get my teenage son focused and disciplined. He used to be a smart kid. And lately, I feel like he is just lazy and would rather lie about everything, including studies.”

So before I go and answer the question, first of all, let me say this, if you are a teenager, a parent to a teenager then today’s podcast episode is for sure for you. If you have children, who are very, very little young, and they haven’t yet gotten to the teenage years yet, then this podcast episode is for you. Because this is a timeline thing. So sooner or later, you are going to become a parent to a teenager. Now, if you have children who are not in this age range at all, so they’re not between one or one month and or one day and 19 years, they are in the College of the graduated college. And if you’re thinking that this is all done for you, please don’t be in that illusion. Because there might be a situation where you have to train your children so that they can train and coach and guide and raise their children. So you have some great-grandparent responsibilities here. So that’s why you should stay and listen to the podcast.

Okay, so let’s get into the answer. Listen, teenage years are hard. And I am raising two kids myself, they’re 13 and 18. And I’m experiencing it firsthand right now. And the truth is, I’ve forgotten personally, I’ve forgotten how I was when I was 13, or 18. I’ll tell you one year 19. I believe that one year age in it, and I completely don’t even remember anything that I have done or things that happened to me. And that was a good kid. So what’s the answer to this question, it’s very simple, the brain is still developing. And the brain is developing at a level that it doesn’t understand what’s happening with it. There are so many other medical definitions for this, but then, to keep it very simple, the brain is still developing. So as a parent, it’s important for us to recognize that the brain is developing. And a developing brain is pretty complex. So it’s doing things that are out of line, that isn’t the same that used to be so your kid is, was something like two days ago or yesterday, and today, your kid is different tomorrow is going to be different, every day is gonna be different. And one of the things that teenagers do and display is they’re listening less and less to their parents, and more and more to their peers, the peers have more influence on them. Now, as a parent, what you’re doing, you’re getting secretly worried about your kid. And clearly, you might be thinking the kid is aborting studies lying. At this point, what the parents do becomes authoritative. And they start to apply force. And they want to change the direction of where how things should happen, and should happen in a specific way. And they start to feel they’re losing control. Now, I get this question, this question, and these questions, similar questions. And my answer to all this is, that the very simple answer is you’re going to lose them by the time they hit 13. And then you get them back, maybe around 23.

So for about 10 years, you’re going to completely lose them. Now, during this time, the kid continues to listen, they may not be attentive, they may not be giving you a response back, that they are listening or they’re following you but they are observing all the moves that you’re making. They’re there, they’re not lost, but they are not going to give you any feedback yet because they are under the influence of a brain that is developing. So the suggestion here is don’t be authoritative. And we have seen there is enough data now to show that if you do come as an authoritative parent. And authoritative has two different meanings authoritative in a way where you are giving feelings and you are giving structure you are giving, you’re spending time and all, then the kids end up having more. They show more persistence with events in their life. If you become authoritative in a different way, where you’re using force, and you’re using anger, and rage as a method to control the outcome, then the kids become submissive, or the matrix revolt also, but submissive in most cases. And the net effect of that is they’re going to be less persistent through events, whatever events they face in their life. So the choice is yours. Now. What do you have to do I get this question? Well, the answer, what you should do is, I’m not asking you not to have conflict. I’m not asking you not to give direction. I’m not asking you not to intervene. Yes, you have to. But make sure that when you do have conflict, it’s moderate. It’s minimal. If you’re having a lot many conflicts, then I suggest that you go talk to an interventionist who specializes in family therapy and all that. Too many conflicts, not good, no conflict, not good. But what you need is moderate conflict. So the key to success here is that you listen more as a parent and speak, not be judgmental, not be dismissive. And trust the competence of your kid that they displayed when they were in their early years. So don’t judge them by what’s happening now. But judge them by what they did in the past. So use that frame, in your mind, use that image in their mind, so that you do not start dismissing what they’re doing.

But again, I said that earlier, I don’t want you to become worried secretly, and not display that worry to your child, when you secretly get worried, then it’s just a matter of time before you went out. And when you went, then now you’re really affecting the dynamic. Every kid has a moment of passivity. And kids in general, at that age, have multiple moments of passivity throughout the day. And your job as a parent is to keep looking for that moment of passivity and speak to them. So that whatever you say, registers with them, and stays with them. They acknowledge what you’re saying they agree with what you’re saying. And they commit to what you’re saying. Your job is to find natural, find good teachers, then good teachers, really good teachers, they don’t teach anything good. But then they can penetrate the mind.

So that’s why you need to have good teachers around. So always keep looking for good teachers. At the same time, always look for passive moments of passivity in your child where they are suggestive that listening, they’re open. And you know, as a parent, you’ll know exactly when your kid is taking in listening and giving feedback and suggestion. Okay, so those are my thoughts. But again, I know you’ll have more questions. If you do, then, by all means, text me back. 888-818-0404. This is not a problem, specifically to this question. Every individual goes through this, I wouldn’t get worried about this. If you can afford, specifically if you can afford. And you have an opportunity where you can change the environment of your child, for example, you can change the school, you can change the neighborhood, you can change the classes, you can change the teachers, you can change who he or she talks to, then by all means, as a parent, you should do it. That which gives you a sense of security. Regarding your child, you should do it. But that’s expensive. It’s time taking. And sometimes parents choose not to make the change, which I can completely understand and respect. But it depends on how far you want to take this. But just you know, this is a common behavior. It’s a common pattern. Your child is not unique, and everything. Every parent at some point will lose that child and for sure will get back their child after those seven, eight, nine, or 10 years.

Okay, that’s all for now on this podcast and just said if you have a question text me at 888-818-0404 And stay tuned and I will talk to you as early as tomorrow thank you bye now

Success Demands That You Do Just One Thing & Do It Well

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Welcome or welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Monday morning to you start a new week, a fresh week. So as I was recording this morning, I was thinking, you know, what can I say today, that’s going to be so different, so unique that I have not said it at all on this podcast. I mean, if you take a monologue podcast like this, where the host, that’s mean, this case, only does this podcast and keeps doing it every day. And we are now eight months in and you do the daily without a break. Saturday, Sunday, every day, there comes a point where you run out of content, really, you really do like, what do you have to say you wake up in the morning, like every day, I used to have this feeling in the first month, second month, like literally third month was like, for so hard. And then towards the end of the third month, it started becoming, you know, I started dialing in finding myself in the zone and I was like, okay, maybe I have more in me. So I kept on going. But this feeling does come in occasionally into me. And I’m like, okay, so what should I say today that’s gonna be unique, different, because there are people, there are people who are texting me messaging me, telling me that a listen to the podcast, I’m like, Okay, if I say something that’s contrary to what I already told them, then they may not really like me. But then there’s something I want to share with you. I was struggling with this morning, something I want to share with you. Listen, you are listening to this podcast, because you want to create success in life. And success is something that cannot be defined.

People struggle to define what success is, in your 20s success was, I want to make money, I want to build a career. I will whatever all that was there. In the 30s. It was about building a family buying a house, whatever, and 40s 50s 60s. Now, every five, seven, if you take a seven-year chunk, not a 577 to 10-year chunk, your definition, inwardly had changed even though you may not have said that externally to others. But inwardly your definition has changed. So I get this question occasionally. A lot, actually, not occasionally a lot more frequently than I can imagine. You can imagine. What can I do? I’m doing a lot many things. What can I do? How do I get there? What does it take? Do you know the secret? The truth is this. Nobody knows the secret 100,000 A million people like me do the exact same thing, that I do, and probably do better than what I’m doing. Still, they cannot tell you the secret. Everybody can tell their perspective, everybody can tell you what they think you should do. But there is no absolute surefire success formula that you pick up, and it’s going to work for you, there isn’t. Hence you have to create the formula that works for me, I could say it’s a formula. But then the same formula, when given to you, it may not be executed in the same way that I have. And it may completely operate on a whole different level, the minute you step in, so handholding coaching, all these things do play a big role and mitigate the risk of failure, but then still, you still have to put in. So the question is this, what can you do from your side to make a formula work for you? Whatever that formula is.

So here is what a good coach should do, which is they understand you they understand your problems, they understand what you’re dealing with, and make you only do that one thing that gets you to the outcome. I’ve done that with my clients, people approach me they tell me 100 different things. I listen. And then they’re telling me, most of the time people are talking to themselves. They’re not talking to me. And then eventually when they figure out they have to talk to me. Then I tell them to listen, you told me 30 different things. Which one do you want to focus on? What do you think is the most important thing that you need to do now at this moment you need to accomplish? Usually, it comes down to one or two things. I insist on one thing, and then I keep working with them till I get them to accomplish that one thing. That’s it. So here’s my message to you on the podcast today. I want you to do one thing, just one thing. Don’t worry about zillion things that are happening in your life. I know that it’s happening in my life also. And every time you start giving your attention to 20 Things you end up doing. Nothing simple. So just focus on one thing, focus on money, relationships, finances, career, business, job, multiple jobs, whatever it is just focus on one thing, just one thing. Here is What I want you to do the science behind this one thing. The one thing is obviously, you will get rid of distractions. But the one thing is not only register productivity not only gets you focused not only gets you to get to the outcome, but it does something else. It creates a heightened sense of self-esteem, which is essential to any level of success. See, it’s the confidence, it’s the self-esteem that’s stopping you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, of course, skills, talents, all focus, all these things are important, and we have been talking about it and they do play a role. But then self-esteem is the biggest and the biggest thing that people overlook, they don’t understand this. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you were you’re looking to change a job. And you know, you can get a better job, you know, getting a better job means more money means more you can do for your children, for your family means more autonomy, let’s say odd freedom or more power. But that one thing demands that you apply. The reason why you don’t apply is that either you are scared of interviews. Okay, you still need to prepare yourself for the interview. Or you’re too good. You don’t have time. But hence you haven’t written your resume. Simple. So comes down to you not having a resume, let’s take that as an example for a second. What does it take for you to get your dream job and get to that position where you have the money, and you have all the time for your family and do some bigger things that you’re not able to do today?

See, if you take 30 minutes a day, or an hour a day, and simply work on your resume, just work on your resume, every day you schedule a time wake up in the morning, you say I’m going to wake up in the morning, the first thing I’m going to do is to work on my resume. So you open your resume, and you look at the resume on the screen. And for the one hour, you simply look at the resume, you don’t know what to do just look at the resume. Okay, it’s painful when you start. It’s stupid when you start. When you look at the resume, I want to change the resume, I don’t know how to write English. And I don’t know how to put words together. But I asked to schedule myself Srini told me to do it. So here I am looking at my resume. And I don’t know how long I will do this on a daily basis. But I’m here, okay, I need to change something. If you simply look at your resume, and you are scheduled to look, look at your resume for an hour, there is not even a possibility that you’re not going to modify something in that one hour, the chances are you’ll look at some other resumes, your mind will go like what can I do to improve this? What are other people doing with the resumes? What can I model not copy? What can I model and Forasmuch changes some nuances that I can bring in into this so I can make it look good? And day one is going to be bad. Day two will be bad. But day three, day four, day five, it’s going to kick in. Eventually, at the end of the 10th day, you’re going to be like wow, okay, I’m learning. Okay, this resume is looking good, I feel good about myself. See, you got to take the action, but you got to also take it consistently. I didn’t say do this, do it for five or seven or 10 hours in a day, I said do it one hour a day, for the next whatever a number of days. See, action frequency then comes volume. What is the volume in the case of a resume?

So once you have a resume going, obviously, you now have to tweak your profile, you have to tweak maybe your LinkedIn profile, or maybe you’re indeed whatever I don’t know. And then at some point, you may come back and say I would write a white paper or I’m going to write a publication, you start creating volume around this activity, multiple different things that you do, to really kind of brings you, you know, amplifies your identity. And then the next phase to this is to scale.

So now you’re competing. You remove that single biggest obstacle either mind, which is your resume, which was not good. And now you have taken the leap. You feel good interviews are happening, you will get you’re getting calls. So it proves that the resume is working. Right? simple, as simple as that. Now, some people try to take shortcuts on this. They say okay, I’m no good. I’m going to hire a resume writer or somebody great, do whatever you have to do, but I’m just telling you the actions that this one thing that you do it is going to make a significant change and impact in your life. That’s the point of the discussion today. Take that into weight loss. For example. Let’s say running What do you have to do wake up in the morning, run for a mile, or five is successful. Go repeat that the next day. And repeat that the next day and do that for five, seven days. Okay, I’m running a mile a day for seven days. Now I want to run two miles, I want to increase that. So you keep on increasing. And there comes a point when you start to, to see okay, I’m doing this daily I’m doing in the morning, can I do it in the evening, can I do it tonight. And then there comes a situation where you want to scale this, now want to go run a small, you know, small half marathon, a full marathon or triathlon, whatever. And then there is volume.

Now you’re competing in this volume, you see that? This is how it works. Only one thing, don’t do 20 Different things while you’re trying to run, don’t try to start a business, it doesn’t work. It’s you are one entity is this finite amount of energy you have a finite amount of time you have. And there is not much you can do with it other than doing just that one thing. And that one thing also, you may not do properly. study all the successful people study everybody, anybody that did many things, I did many things, eventually, eventually, they ended up doing just one thing. There’s one thing that made them whoever they became. Some people went on to do the second thing, the third thing, the fourth thing, but they’re successful in that one thing not to arrive at that one thing, they’ve gone through a lot. Now, I’m not saying to replicate yourself, not to scale yourself. So if you’re having 10, or 15, things that you’re doing, make sure you have systems in place make sure that you have to leverage in those areas so that you can scale and be better than you are in this game because of freedom and autonomy. And every time you do something that’s going to take away that, then I don’t think you’re growing. You don’t have growth, you don’t have growth, you don’t have fulfillment, you don’t have fulfillment, you don’t have joy, you don’t have happiness, what’s the point of doing all this? So, as I close this, I hear people telling me, I’m an expert in this, I’m an expert in that. An expert is not enough, expertise is not enough. Okay? You need to have mastery. And mastery comes when you do that same thing over and over again. And do it in scale, do it in volume, do it in competition, do it with yourself, do it when you’re alone. But when you are with people, and you really have to become good at it, you really you are the master. There are many experts, a master also has expertise. I’m not. But a master next has expertise at a whole different level. An expert is an expert, but mastery is something that doesn’t confuse experts to have mastery. Mastery is a whole different game altogether. Very rarely I’ve seen masters who Well, true masters, disguised themselves very difficult to find them. You see a lot of experts around. And I’m an expert in this some expert in that. But usually, they’re still learning, they’re still you know, it’s different. So if you find an expert in some area, and then you find a master, you will see the contrast between day and night difference. But still, the mastery, do whatever it takes. And I’ll tell you, you can’t achieve mastery unless you really make that one thing really, really is the single biggest thing of your life. That becomes your dominant thought that becomes your dominant energy that becomes your everything, if not now.

Okay, my idea was to start you off this Monday, in a proper way. Hopefully, I’ve done it. We should your questions that are coming in. I will take a few more questions over the next few days. But keep them coming. And if this podcast, today’s podcast, this episode helps you let me know if you’re watching this on YouTube. There is a place for you to write a comment if you’re listening to this on your favorite podcasting app. You can write a comment there too. So that’s all for now, and wish you a very Happy Monday again and I’ll talk to you as early as tomorrow. Stay tuned.

How To Bounce Back After Disappointment: 3 Tips For Entrepreneurs

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome! Welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Sunday morning to you on the podcast today, I’m again answering a question that came to life on my radio show this past Tuesday, nine minutes into the show, Gaurav calls in, and asks a question that is so dear to my heart. He says Srini What do you think? What are some of the mechanisms to overcome? Frustration? Specifically, when you are an entrepreneur when you are a sales professional, you are running your own business and sales don’t go. Well. You have some expectations. They don’t come along. How do you recover? You’ll have setbacks? How do you recover from that setback? Incredible question. So what I’m going to do is, let me play the question to you. I already answered this question. But then please listen to the answer. And once we come back, I’m going to expand a bit more on this.

Thank you for calling your name, where are you calling from and how can I help you?

Hi, Srini. My name is Gaurav. I’m calling from Fremont. And the question I had was everybody has ups and downs in life, and I’m an entrepreneur and I get more downs. And then what are some of the strategies you can recommend? are things we can do to come back and bounce back from the downside?

Yes, it’s such an open-ended question got of, you know, I can take the answer in different directions. And I’m not really answering the question. Can you be a little more specific on the question like, when you say, ups and downs, what do you mean?

So I think what I’m trying to learn is basically, when whenever there is something negative, which happens, I’m dealing with loss from the back has happened, again, into this negative frame of mind. And that mindset pulls us further down. And I’m just looking to learn some strategies with a positive frame of mind.

Yeah, I understand. So I’ll tell you something very interesting. Many years ago, nearly 20 years ago, I was hired by the insurance company, to sit in the car, of one of the agents, and drive along to all the presentations the agent does to different companies and different individuals. I sit in the car waiting for this agent to come back. And depending upon what they tell me, my job is to bring them back into their optimal state of mind. So that the next presentation goes well, okay, this was the job I was engaged in, I did it for about six weeks, eight weeks. And then I went and told the management, I said, you know, you got to hire better people, but our sales agents, not a coach to coach them like this.

Okay. So case in point, it is very natural. When we have resentment when we have setback when we have expectations when the market doesn’t meet our expectations. It’s very natural human default human behavior is a disappointment. But the key, as you already said, is to come back. And the recovery time is what defines you know, how good of a professional you are. So here is my approach to this. And I could be totally wrong on this. But this is how I think I think that at the end of the day, any sale or any profit that happens is a reward that the marketplace rewards you with for an outstanding job that is something that you have done well. So that is how the mindset is, I don’t approach the market with a business mindset. So you approach the market with a service mindset. And you as a sales professional, let’s say, in this context, your job is to create clarity, remove any inconsistencies in the minds of people or provide, provide clarity, remove indecision, and then frame them to their own optimism, whatever they have got going. So you affirm them to their opportunities, and you affirm them to their possibilities.

That’s all you have to do. So remove in decisions, provide clarity, and affirm them to their own opportunities. That’s all you do. And if they are successful, and you’re successful in doing it, they will reward you if not, you will not. So So hopefully, this is clear. And this, this probably needs there is a podcast I did on this and talking about this just two or three days ago, and I’ll be happy to send you the link. So just bear with me on the number of things and the length.

Is this helpful?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, just from the top of my mind. So appreciate the question. Yeah. So I would do that. And then let me put it this way also got up, you know, at the end of the day, it’s your performance, you need to keep on refining. It’s okay. And I take that as a take it as feedback and deal every failure is going to strengthen you take it as a lesson. So these are some of the assets admission that you have to go into put into your mind as you’re dealing with clients, but then nine out of 10 times things don’t go, and they will never be in your favor anyway. So it’s an uphill battle sales itself is an uphill battle. So it’s very natural to go through the motions, and eventually, you’ll become immune to this. It’s just a process. That’s all there is to this.

Thank you.

Okay, thank you.

Welcome back. My idea was to just simply play that question, and I wanted you to listen to the answer. But as you see, there are different ways I could have answered this question. But something that I have consistently said here on this podcast, if you are a longtime listener of this podcast, you might have heard me say this, nothing in life teaches life better than entrepreneurship. People read books, people go to seminars, people follow philosophers, teachers, mentors, and coaches, I don’t think anybody can teach you the real essence of your existence, the way a business will. Sales, Marketing, profits, revenues, customers, clients, leaves, all these things are okay. But entrepreneurship also teaches you to go hungry, to stay hungry, and to deal with unknowns at a level that I can’t even explain. It will make you your own friend, it’ll make you your own enemy. You will be detached from the world, you’ll be attached to the world, I mean, the extremes through which you go through as an entrepreneur. Nothing can teach you. So I have been in all my seminars, and workshops, I’ve consistently people started a business, not for money, not for profits, just go through the process. Just go through experience this, just like having a baby and changing diapers.

My friend was telling me the other day, that he said, I know people who had babies, the raised kids, but they never change diapers. Well, they really never raised kids. So there is something about entrepreneurship that’s so special, so unique, so different. And so spiritual. Also, it’s just not about finding clients selling something. That’s not the point. There’s something spiritual about this. And unless you don’t experience it, then I think you’re missing out on a big part of your life. In this one lifetime, you’re missing a significant part. Go try something new today. See if you have something within you, whereby you can take it out and build something, make create something new out of it. If you, we all have something within us we all in at some point in time thought of creating something I at one point wanted to create something. That’s why all these things happened. And it’s an incredible process. And I want you to experience the process. And if you choose to experience it for a long time, it’s your call, but at least for some time, you should. That’s all for now on this podcast. Hopefully, this is helpful. And I have several questions that have come in. So I’m going to be taking those questions up over the next few days. So I will catch you on a fresh Monday. Start off a new week, that’s tomorrow. Stay tuned. Bye now.