How to Make Connections That Matter
Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
It seems people have started to take my recent podcasts pretty seriously. In the last few days, I have been talking about the book that I wrote in 2014. And a book on carrier professional development. And I got a message last night from a listener of the podcast, obviously, telling me that they bought the book. And I’m like, No, that was not the message on this podcast, I’m not asking you to go buy the book. And the reason behind that is, the book is okay. But if you’re a long-term listener of this podcast, some of my ideas, some of my concepts that I’m sharing here, are much different than what I was in as an individual eight years ago, a lot has changed. And some of the concepts in that book, if I have to rewrite that book, I promise you, it’s not gonna be the same. I kind of touched on some concepts here and there, but I never really went into them. So not a good resource. As such, if you are a listener of this podcast now, if you have no idea who I am, and you’re looking to looking for a job change, career change, or growth, then you come across that book, it’s okay.
Now, I also got a comment, saying that Srini, in one of the sections, you talk about networking. So I wanted to find out from you, I’m not good at this. I want to know, do you have a resource? Can you share some of your thoughts on the podcast? Now, the networking part in that book, I believe, was from chapter three onwards. So if somebody got the book last night, and they’re asking a question, and that means that either reading the book very fast, or they landed on that chapter, okay. I liked the question. So don’t get me wrong on that, I love the question, How can I become a? How can I become good at networking? You know, you might have heard the saying, Your network is your network. So there is some truth to it. So the bigger and the larger network you have, the more connected you are, the easier your life becomes. So how can you become good at networking, let’s talk about that? So, a majority of our time, at least earlier, the early part of our life, the majority of our time went into figuring out who we are. So, it is all about you, and nobody else. And of course, beyond you are your friends and family. Now, after a while of acquiring the skills, talents, and experience, you probably went into a career and a good job, but then you started mimicking the same patterns from your earlier life, which is about you, your family, and friends.
So the pattern stays the same, it doesn’t change, and it doesn’t shift. Now, what got added to the mix is maybe some of your work friends or colleagues and then maybe some external a call, what would I say maybe acquaintances, maybe people who you come across maybe neighbors, maybe people who come across you come across randomly something like that, so that you probably have a little bit of a wider reach now, then, what you had back in the day when you were going to school, and that is because there are you are now part of the society where you are responsible, additionally responsible for some things. So, if you look into influence as a topic, and you look at influence as a primary ingredient for networking, initially you influenced yourself or you influence yourself now, and you influence your friends and family or they get influenced by you. And then maybe some of your work colleagues and some people externally also do get influenced by you to some extent, but the reach of the influence pretty much stops there. Very few people go beyond that into a wider community. They try to influence people whom they never met and who they never spoke to. Now, they choose different avenues, different pathways to do that. That and this is where depending upon what they specifically want, they may take a political route, they may take a spiritual route, different routes, or different pathways to influence a wider community. Sometimes people take the charity path and all that so The point is that the wider you reach the easier to a large extent, it becomes easier to receive support. Not that that support doesn’t come with its own complications. It does.
Everybody, all of us want our infants to grow. Clearly. So, but we have not, we don’t have the skill. So we don’t have primarily people who don’t have time, this is what I hear. So what do what should you do? How do you do this? And that’s where the question is. Well, networking is a learned skill, it can be learned, sometimes people, some people are gifted, they habit it naturally, they make friends, and they make friends everywhere. Some people live for their friends, and they ignore everybody else. But it’s difficult to build, you know, you got to show some level of willingness, some level of investment has to happen from your end. And then there’s also your personality also plays a role. And if you’re an introvert, you struggle with it. If an extrovert, great, do things like that. So it plays, you know, there are some challenges around the space, but they can be overcome. So over the years, people have asked me this question. You know, how do you and I myself have struggled through this process, because to the large extent, I’m an introvert to myself, I want to be left alone, I am in my seclusion, and I perform better when, when I’ve left me, my books, my environment, I perform better, then, then I’m with people and all I which, by the way, I love to. So what should be your approach? How do you build and how should you build very, very quickly now, there are two modes through which you can approach this. One is called a guest mode. And the second one is called a host mode, a guest mode you go to different parties, different events, and different conferences, you are a guest there, and you kind of meet people go introduce yourself and do all that. And it works. But it takes a lot of time.
Sometimes you didn’t really do not know how to communicate, how to express yourself, and all that. So some of it works. But it doesn’t work at the level it should. And there are ways to circumvent all this. And thanks to all the social media and everything that we have today, this process is much easier as compared to what it used to be when I was at this, the time there was nothing. So you go into what is called a host mode and host mode is that you host a guest, you don’t become a guest. So you do a party, you put together a meeting, you put together get together, you create a small little conference inside a conference, things like that. So you start becoming a host. And when you become the host, you really don’t need to put in a lot of effort all you have to do is arrange, let people come let people talk to each other, and let them network with each other. But then in the process, what happens is you become memorable. When you become memorable, you create leverage. So the same principle now applies everywhere.
Whether you are a podcast host, you are a radio host or your seminar leader, you all it just the same principle, it’s just that once you’re a host, then you’re a host, then you have higher leverage, higher influence and you have you can accelerate this, you can really make it faster. There are a few traits that I suggest that you work on, and start working on developing those traits. The first one is that you become very, very, very interested in people, you should really start taking interest in people. And there should be some degree of genuineness like you have genuine care and concern that you express. And you cannot express genuine care and concern unless you really feel it that way. Otherwise, people can read that you can see they can see. So, you know, I’ll do one small example here to kind of digress from the point on this podcast here. You know, there are days when I was not really dialed in, as opposed to recording the podcast.
Now, I’ve been in the space for a long time, nearly 15 years now. Podcast teleseminars for more than 1517 years now. Seminar teleseminars podcasts radio shows for over 11 years, 12 years now. So I know that when I’m not dialed in when I’m not really in, I’m filling space and time Just I’m saying something on the timeline. And I’ll say something on timeline people listen, people hear you, they can, they can figure out who you are and where you’re coming from. So doesn’t serve you doesn’t serve me if I do it. And I know it doesn’t serve the listener either. So why do something when, when you are not enacting? See, you’re not focusing on the quality of the conversation. Now it happens because it’s like, like an actor, an actor acts in like 200 300 movies, some of the movies are, you know, that are not to be blockbusters, some failed miserably in the box office. So sometimes, that principle applies to all of us, sometimes we are extremely good in doing what we’re doing on a given day, and some days we are not. So it’s possible that if I record a podcast every day, sometimes I may not really be dialed in. And I can say things that may not make sense. And I really cannot really create a connection. And I can’t draw people in, which is, which is okay, but I cannot do that for a long time. And I should not have an approach in my mind where I’ll do whatever I say whatever I want to say, and people will still listen to me doesn’t work that way.
So, unless there is genuine care and concern, people fake it, then they will see it. Now, there is a way to develop genuine care and concern. And that is really putting people in a situation where you look at them and say, okay, they need some help, they need some care that needs some, some compassion. So you put yourself you build that empathy within yourself, and I talk about that extensively in one of the podcast episodes. And then, you know, getting interested in people, that’s the first one, and then getting, you know, showing genuine care and concern, and expressing that in conversation that a second one. A third one is when you are at events when you meet people and all do take notes. And I learned this the hard way. When I meet somebody, I come home, I take notes, I write down their name, if I have a photo, and I create this base, I built that base. And I know everything that they said which company they work for, where they work things that they have done stories, the dimension, all those things I write down, and I save it for a later day. Next time around, if ever I come across the individual, I completely read about them. And I show up for the conversation and feel as if you know, I have an elephant memory I do not. I do not have an elephant memory. But I practice I do this, I should be doing this more lately have been slacking on this ever since COVID happened. But up to COVID. I was a very serious note-taker. And every time I met somebody, and then the last one, this is something that I think already mentioned. But I’ll say that in some different depth altogether, which is trying to become memorable. They come to a party, they meet you or you are at a party, and they should say I went there I met, I met him I met her. You know, she said this, she said that amazing. Every time I meet people, I want to really leave them with a thought that they will think, later on, I want to leave them with a message, a directive, some level of awakening, something that they will think up long after I’m gone. Even at busy conferences and meetings, I want to leave something with them that really makes and I do that not because I want to be memorable, but because that’s how my mind works.
Now, if I do that deliberately, think about how far I could go with this. So do something so that you become memorable. I’m not saying that could become crazy and get you to know the wrong attention towards you. Getting attention is a different thing. But becoming memorable is a different thing. So don’t confuse those two things. So these are some things that I would do. And then sometimes you’ll become memorable by giving away some gifts and things like that. So the different ways to do this. So these are some of my thoughts. And I was not prepared for this. And hopefully, this helps. If it does, do let me know. And again, if you have a question for me, the number where you can text me is 888-818-0404. Okay, that’s all for now. I’m going to stop here you go enjoy your day, and I will see you tomorrow.