How to Stop Negative Behaviors Before They Stop You

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How to stop the negative behavior before it stops us. That is today’s podcast discussion. Happy Saturday morning to you. Last week, I was speaking at the real estate roundtable. And during one of the breaks, one of the attendees caught me in the hallway and said, Srini, my family, my friends tell me that I’m negative. I know I’m positive. But why do they say that I’m negative? And I heard you talk about hypnosis as a solution to solving negative behaviors. What should I do? And my answer was something along these lines. In fact, I went back into the room later that evening, and in my second presentation, I talked about this.

You see our behaviors, what our behaviors are, most of the time our behavior is invisible, or habits are invisible or behavior is invisible. If we can see somehow ourselves from the font, we would find an equal amount of force in us that we find others. It is beauty, this creation, this mankind this nature, is, is such that it made us invisible to ourselves. So there has to be a tremendous amount of self-exploration, self-reflection before we can find who we are before we can see who we are. Of course, hypnosis and many other tools are there. They are all available if somebody wants to consider them as a way of life and take them in. Yes, and the audit process, there are many. But cautiously what can be done? Well, here are some things that you can do today, this is the exact thing that I shared with this individual in the hallway, the first and foremost thing is that you got to claim your inner power. And you have to tell yourself that you have to stop it. So every time action has gone incorrect, something that went wrong, you need to find that act in the middle and say I’m sorry, you say something incorrectly to somebody, you stop yourself. You say I’m sorry. I give you an example. Right before the real estate roundtable, I was getting ready for it. I was in the middle of it on Friday. So last weekend was the real estate roundtable. But this was the Friday I got a call from the doctor’s assistant for my dad for my father. And I was in a hurry. And I did not respond to her the right way. I did not respond to her the right way. And the scheduled consultation is for Monday.

So I was busy through the weekend. And Sunday was a down day. Phil said the roundtable was on Saturday, Sunday was around down day. And I went back the Monday the first thing I did on Monday took my dad to the doctor. And once everything was done once all the checklists were done, I was flipping out. And I went to the front desk and I said is Kim available? In fact, the lady who helped me to check-in, or the same lady, her name was Kim and me. And I was asking her name while I was leaving the place. And I told her I said listen, Kim, you called me on Friday, I was distracted. And I was not answering you even though you were diligent. They’re very nice to me. I was very distracted. Too many things going on. I somehow valued myself. above you. You are calling me for my dad. And I’m sorry for my behavior. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s against my character. I shouldn’t have done this way. I’m sorry for this. I said that. And my doctor, my father’s doctor was right behind the counter listening to this. And she said, Oh, that’s so nice of you. You don’t need to say that. I said I’m sorry. No, no, no. I know how hard you work here. And if at any point in time, even if you call me in the middle of the night, I need to be aware that you are calling and who you are and what you do and how much you work hard here and your contribution is way beyond than what you’re paid for. And whatever you do, so I kind of conveyed that in those words. So I need to be aware that I need to be respectful. I need to be humble, and I was not and I do need to somehow be answerable to myself. So even though I’m saying sorry to you, that doesn’t mean You’re gracious, you may not accept that. But then I’m answerable to myself, I knew I was wrong. And thank you for giving me an opportunity to express myself. And that’s all I said, I walked out, catch the action in the middle, catch the action as it’s happening. That’s how you claim the power.

One other thing I would do is, I would take a paper sit down, and write, if there is one thing I can stop about myself, what is it? There’s one thing I can stop about myself, what is it? And there are many things we can stop within ourselves. But we choose not to. And these things, eventually become our character. I’ll tell you one thing that I would like to stop, I would like to stop thinking, while I’m listening to somebody. As I’m listening to people, for example, people call me on my radio shows, they asked me questions, I’m in a hurry. Because I’m in a time situation, I’m a time block. The very limited time I have I need to push myself, I have so many other things to do on my show. So I want to close it out as soon as possible. Someone calling in that expressing themselves, I sometimes talk over them. I shouldn’t be, but I do. And that behavior has. Initially, it was like that about 1012 years ago, then I started to feel that when people come in into consultations to talk to me, I talk over them. That is something I was told. And when somebody told me this, that’s when I became aware. And I started to monitor myself. When I’m listening, my mind starts racing. When my mind starts racing, my actions have to come into play. So every time the mind gets activated, it has to act. A racing mind wants to intensify the action. So if your mind races incorrectly, then the action itself becomes much more negative, or could become very violent, or could become uncontrollable. So when actions become uncontrollable, then the effects the results of those actions could be negative. So every time the mind races, every time you feel that you need to do something, you need to say something you need to get on and stop. Step back. Breathe. And think allows you to refocus. When you refocus.

Now, you’re taking a stance, which is positive, because now you’re in control. Something I would like to change. I worked on this for many, many years. There are also certain people, certain situations, certain circumstances, that could trigger negative behavior in you some sorts of situations where you don’t want to be maybe some people interact you from expressing yourself, or from saying something. Some time ago, I talked about conversation, conversational narcissists, they’re everywhere. They want to hijack a conversation, they want to highlight themselves, they want to override your thoughts. But your job is to have an honest look within yourself. And say, if I participate in this, then I’m going to become annoying to others and to myself. So I don’t want to be in situations where I can become annoying.

There are many different ways you can put some monitors on you, of course, you have to monitor yourself. But it’s always nice to have your spouse your partner your friend to monitor you in social situations. Sometimes when I’m with my friends or with my colleagues or for example, let’s say this presentation, every time I speak from the stage I come down and say did I say that right? Did you can connect it and make the point. And if I did not, then I have people who are monitoring will tell me even on my radio shows, I when I do my shows I have Several people listening to my show my admins, my, my mentors, my children, you know, everybody listens to the show, everybody has a different input. But every input matters. Every time there is an engagement going on, like some conversation going on, at any point in time you feel that you said something that is not being taken right? Or you misunderstood something, and maybe your spouse to say something. But what you heard is a little different in your mind, and you’re not sure, but somehow you had to respond to it. I stopped by a pause, I say, Listen, let me understand this. Is this what you said? And then I say, I’m sorry, I’m interrupting you. Please, can you explain what you just said? This does two things.

One, it helps me to understand what they’re saying. But also shows that not bracing to conclusions, or I’m not rushing. And then there’s also an element of humility in this, it’s important that you convey a sense of humility in every conversation you’re having. In fact, I did multiple podcasts on conversations. If you go back to January of this year, February of this year, on this podcast directory, you will see multiple different podcast episodes specifically talking about how our words create the success that we desire and deserve. See, when it comes down to behaviors, it’s up to you to avoid them. Your job is not to cause difficulties or disgrace people who want to spend time with you. I see people doing that all the time. And people are wanting and willing to talk to you and want to spend time with your Why do you want to turn them off with your negative behavior? Doesn’t make any sense. Try these things. What I just said. I’m not saying these are the absolute best ways to deal with it. But these are some ideas, some thoughts, but do your research on this. But I can tell you one thing for sure. No matter how good we become, there is something about us that’s negative. There’s something about us that’s negative. So a lifelong pursuit is to keep identifying the negatives. When I said negatives, I mean behaviors and keep on eliminating them as much as possible. Now when they enter us, they don’t tell us but when they will leave. We know they left us.

Okay, that’s all for this podcast. I’m sorry for if I go any further from this point, then I think it’s going to become very heavy. So enjoy your Saturday and we will talk tomorrow. Thank you. Bye
now.

Lacking Self-Discipline Sometimes? Here Is Why

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The one question that has perplexed me over the years is why do people hop from seminar to seminar-workshop to workshop? Without doing anything in between? Like without taking action, hoping that the next seminar has the answer? And sometimes the same seminar, same slide deck, same speakers everything same? Why do people do this? And what I realized is people are looking for a start, it’s not necessary that one seminar we give them the start to keep on moving from one place to the other, and then hoping that this may work out. Now, clearly, it is now proven that when we don’t take action, nothing happens. So life is nothing but a bunch of actions. Right or wrong. It’s a whole different discussion for a different day. But it’s about taking action working on the outcome and things like that. And I have been repeating myself on this podcast on this concept. So very early on, many, many years ago, when I started doing seminars and workshops, the concept of people who have been doing this for a long time, shared their concepts about why people come to seminars and workshops. And one thing they told me is, motivation is temporary. So that’s why people seek motivation, all the time, and seminars and workshops, they deliver that motivation. And through motivational industries big there is people are not seeking motivation than I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing either, right. So, I got that point. But then they also said, that inspiration is permanent. So motivation is temporary inspiration is permanent.

So if somebody is inspired, then they will do whatever it takes. And they will not feel the pain, they will not feel the suffering or the harm or whatever, right, they will never feel what they’re doing. So they’re inspired constantly. In order for you to get inspired, you need to be motivated first. So you hop from one place to the other one situation to the other, one seminar to another one book to other, whatever, till you get inspired, hoping that this patient stays hopefully, and they say inspiration stays. Once you’re inspired, nothing can stop you. Here’s the challenge of getting inspired, like moving away from motivation and getting inspired. So that face there are a lot of challenges within that within that space. And one of the challenges is dropping of self-discipline, on the attribute needed to become inspired is self-discipline.

So what does it take, to get to always stay disciplined in any activity you’re doing? I did multiple podcasts on this topic here. And I want to focus on two or three things specifically on this podcast episode, which is it’s natural to drop self-discipline. I do it all the time. I talk about this topic, I preach, for lack of a better word, on my radio show seminars, workshops here on this podcast I preach, then I’m also a victim myself, I also lose self-discipline. I also sometimes wake up in the morning, not knowing what to do. What he’s there for me to do that question. And last, it’s very natural. And I said that multiple times here too. So lack of self-discipline is a problem, a bigger problem, but then occasionally dropping self-discipline is okay. But then there has to be another thought process behind this, which is how do I strengthen my self-discipline? What strategies and techniques to strengthen self-discipline? Not just having, but how do I strengthen it? How do I keep it tight? So few things?

First and foremost is this. Listen, all of us have goals, any form of self-improvement demands that you become goal-oriented. So there are some goals that you are pursuing knowing you unknowingly, whatever it is, but you’re still pursuing your goals. What is the motivation for achieving that goal? Why do you want to achieve that goal? Is that goal relevant? If it is, then in a way, it should inspire you? You know, that’s why we say goals should pull you that in that direction. You shouldn’t push yourself towards those goals. If I set a goal to go climb Everest, Everest was pulling me not that I was pushing myself to refresh doesn’t work. So sometimes you need to pause and say okay, what are my goals? What am I doing? I have this time I woke up this morning, I’m doing these things. Okay. So if I accomplish this, then this is the reward. This is the game. When you have that thought when you start leading the day with that thought, with that realization, that means there are fewer chances that you will drop self-discipline.

Then there’s also a discussion around people dropping self-discipline because the goal is big, the goal is bigger. And they didn’t take the time to condense that goal to break it up into pieces and go one piece at a time, or one small step at a time. Yes, that has to be done. We got to make the goals possible. So easy, make it so easy and so doable. That you know that when you attempt it’s going to happen. So if you walk, you know, you lose calories. If you run, you know, you lose calories, you bicycle, you will lose calories. It’s given its truth. So, small goals, smaller timelines, minimal application, minimal effort, yet a sense of accomplishment achieved. That’s the key to this. Then there is no room for the self-discipline to drop, then comes, how can I make it enjoyable? Whatever I’m doing, see this podcast, take this as an example, if I don’t make this enjoyable. If I’m not enjoying it, you see, I’m enjoying doing this. This is not the best English best examples, the best phrases in everything could be improved. But then you are overlooking what, how I’m speaking what I’m saying. But you are dragged into the content if you’re with me up till this point. Why? Because I’m enjoying doing this. So because I’m enjoying this exchange is easy. In the exchange of these words, you are listening to things that you may not be otherwise, you don’t need to listen, but you’re listening because you’re connected to this conversation. Because I’m enjoying it. So every activity that you’re engaged in, why not discover a way to make it enjoyable.

And again, a couple of days ago, I mentioned this on the podcast, your self-discipline will stay intact if you stay in the present. At this moment, at this moment, the only thing I’m focused on is how can I deliver the best content to the listener who’s listening to me through this recording via this podcast, that’s it, nothing else. Nothing else is in my mind, if it is then the words will show. If the mind goes to 20 different places, while I’m recording this, that means I’m not doing justice to the listener and not just doing justice to myself, the whole thing is off. Another key element to solve discipline is to stay with the activity. Even though it’s becoming harder. You can chunk the activity, you can time the activity, you can plan the activity, you can start the activity you can do as many things as possible, that is being written in the book. And you may still find it hard. Life is hard. Life has so many unknowns, you’ll still find it hard. Then what do you do? You stay with it. That’s why we say set goals for continuous improvement rather than perfection.

Okay, I’m going to stop here. Hopefully, today’s podcast is helpful. If it is do me a favor like it rated write a comment. If you have a question for me, then you know the number direct number into this podcast is 888-818-0404. Let me know on the number leave me a message with your question. I’m going to take your message as a voice drop. And I’m going to answer that on this podcast. That’s all for now. Listen, success is all about rinsing and repeating rinsing and repeating things that are working for you right now. keep on at it, keep on doing it. I started this podcast first of Jan, the third of January. And then here we are. end of March. Still running with it. Still running with it. Still trying my best to do whatever I can do 25th of March. For six more days later. This is going to be a full 90 Day podcast done set in motion. That’s all for now. And again, one last comment before I go listen, you are not a robot. And my idea is not to make your robot. I’m not telling you to become a robot I want you to enjoy I want you to have fun I want you to just feel the moment and be in the moment to achieve whatever you want to achieve. That’s all. Okay, want to stop here. Wherever you are. Be safe and take care.

Forgive & Move On With Your Life

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Welcome back to today’s podcast episode, I am extending the thought from yesterday’s podcast episode. Yesterday I talked about how to deal with criticism, with grace, and with elegance. And again, yesterday’s podcast episode was an extension of an episode I did two days prior to that, which was about dealing with negative people and how negative people are a fact of life. Now, when you take negative people and how to deal with them, when you take criticism and how to deal with it, you start to see a pattern, which is, in order to succeed in any of these situations, you need to learn how to forgive and forget. So I thought, I’m going to take forgiven forget, as a key topic, and share a few thoughts on today’s podcast episode.

So here is what I have seen, I have been a student of success, I have been running my own seminars, workshops, traveled, whatever little bit I did. And I’ve seen different people in different contexts and different situations, if I have to categorize people, through my frame through my reference, and if I have to put them into two categories for the sake of this discussion, then in the first category are the people who are just immune to pain and suffering. Like they somehow, there’s something about them, they’re so innate with it, they have something that bond with that they can easily handle pain and suffering, it seems as if nothing touches them, nothing comes near them.

And then there is a second category of people who have really worked hard to deal with their pain and suffering. They deal with it. But somehow they put on a smile. And they come across as if they’re happy. So both categories are happy people. But then one has learned how to deal with it, the other has not really, there’s no lesson they have taken it just that they have it inbuilt into them. So that’s more or less in this in this conversation.

Now, of course, if you debate on this, there could be more possibilities, more categories, and all that so we’re not going to get into that. But then, clearly, this is something that we have to learn. Regardless of which category you are sure to learn this emotional hurt suffering, they’re a part of life, you will experience it if haven’t experienced it yet. It’s not it’s a matter of time, which will happen. But the challenge here is sometimes the hurt is momentary, it happens it goes away. Sometimes it stays, it stays for a long time. And the longer it stays the harder it is for happiness to step in joy, fulfillment, they all will find it difficult to step in into your life. So and along the way, there could be more damages happening too. So how should we deal with it? And what are some strategies? What are some techniques? The point is this as life moves forward, we also need to move forward, we need to maintain a pace with life. And if we can’t keep up the pace, that means we could still be happy, but then the pursuit, the fulfillment of having greater happiness goes away or will be nonexistent. So you could be mildly happy. But then it’s not a well-lived life. So what can be done?

The first and the foremost is this. You got to think what all are the advantages if you let go of the hurt that is tearing you right now? What are the advantages? The first and the foremost advantage is that you will feel free freedom. Just because you have freedom, you could do many things. You could experience wonderful things life has. Inherently it offers everyone simply having the freedom so you feel free if you let go of the hurt. That’s the biggest advantage again, you could sit down, take a paper write down all the advantages if you want to. Now, the flip side of this conversation is why not write down all the negatives if you hang on to the hurt that you have. Like all the negatives. I’ll tell you the opposite of freedom is lack of freedom which is like imprisonment, right? The opposite of freedom. So one of the main, the biggest things, if you look at, you know, negative disadvantages is that you will feel as if you’re imprisoned. So and then again, there are you could write down many more things in the disadvantages section too. But the biggest disadvantage is that you will feel you’re imprisoned. Now, then comes the point where, how do you transition? How do you say, Okay, I understand the advantages? I understand the disadvantages. Now, what has to happen here? Well, the biggest thing that has to happen, it’s not about a strategy. And people ask, you know, I want to do hypnosis, I want to do meditation yoga. Yeah, all those are good. But that’s not the point. The point here is that something has to happen within you a sense of commitment, let’s say, you got to like something within 10, I want to commit, I want to commit to letting all these things go. All this hurt, go. Now, once you commit that, I want to let it go, then the tools, the techniques, the strategies will make sense. No tool, no strategy makes sense. If you still want to hang on to the hurt, people go to therapy. And it’s not the therapist doing anything incorrect or wrong. But then just because they’re in denial, they don’t want to let it go. If you want a classic example. You know, people want to become rich people want to become successful, they see others succeed. And I wish I could become like him, I wish I could become like her. But then if you want to become like him or her, then naturally, you will inherit all their success. But then with their success comes with their failures, and their challenges and their pain, their suffering, all that has to come and will come with the success.

Now, we humans, don’t want to take on other people’s suffering. We want other people’s success, but we don’t want others suffering. So it starts with the commitment that yes, I want to let go of the hurt. Now that you’re committed. Now, the pursuit begins, how, how can I let this go? Now that I’ve decided why should let it go. And just to know, life is a series of choices that we make. And here is also in this situation, you are making a choice. If you say I cannot do this, that’s a choice. If you say I will, I can do it, or I will do it, it’s a choice. So you rather make an intelligent, thoughtful choice, because we all are intelligent, and we are thoughtful individuals. We don’t need to react the way animals react. And we can interpret things. And we can understand our actions. And we can judge our moves. And we can also change our minds long after we change our minds. So we don’t need to react to something that happened to us 10, 15, 20 years ago as if it is happening to us right now. And I see that people in deep trauma, do that.

Now, also, the person who is giving this hurt to you in your mind, they gave it to you 20 years ago, let’s say. And you have it in your mind as if in the present tense, you’re feeling as if it’s happening to you. Now, let’s say that what happens, we flip the script in the mind and say, Why can’t I show some empathy to this individual. Little love little compassion, not that you are validating that they are nice, or they’re good people, but a little bit of empathy as an individual from your side. Not that they deserve it. But you from your side, showing some empathy. You’re not validating their act, you’re not saying they were right, or whatever it is, but you’re simply showing some empathy to this situation that might have happened to you many, many years ago. And when you do that, you’ll be amazed at what it does to your system. And you do that with some compassion, not with anger, not because you heard it on this podcast, you do it with some compassion. And it gives you a perspective. If you do it right. And it sets you into a different frame of thinking, a different way to look at life. And that’s the start not that it heals you but start starts there.

Sometimes, you also have to consider your part or your role. In the heart that you’re feeling right now. And in the event that caused the hurt in the first place, what was your part, we sometimes unknowingly contribute into some disagreements into some fights and conflicts unknowingly. And this is where a greater higher level of understanding and intention to develop a higher level of understanding is necessary. It’s a necessity. And when we do this, we are also forgiving ourselves. As well as we discover things for which we should also regret. I did it this way. And that is why that happened to me. I also did it, I was also a party to it. Now, you must say I’m just only 1% part into it, and the other person did 99%. That’s a whole different discussion. But at least, that kind of thinking gift takes the regret out. And by regretting it takes the pain out the hurt out, to a large extent.

See, you’re here. And you’re here now. And one of the key aspects of living a happy life is to be present at the moment. And again, a few days ago, I talked about how people worry about the future, they worry about the past, they’re always on one side of the pendulum. If you keep the pendulum centered, that means you are in the present, this is a very good experience, in life. This is real, you know, whatever real it is, it is real. And for me to stay here and to focus on what’s happened to me right now. And that is why any book, you study any self-improvement, philosophy, whatever you study, books, or scripts, scriptures or anything, they all start with the word be present in the moment, at the moment be present. And again, all these strategies work, but then one thing is for sure.

Yesterday, I talked about moving on, prior to that I talked about moving on, in your mind, you got to think you gave your best, you have been harboring this pain for a long time within you. It’s just about time to let it go. But then you did your best. And the time has come for you to move on. So you would rather move on with some degree of forgiveness. If forgive yourself in the process, and a little bit of intent to move on. And, and you forgive yourself for what has happened and you move on not necessarily forgiving that individual or whoever caused the start in the first place, to begin with acid hold together a different discussion. But you forgive yourself, you forget as much as you can. And you move now forgiving and forgetting. It’s a skill. That means every skill can be acquired. And you’ll become good at it, the more you use it. But you need to be a little bit smarter to use it. So people learn skills, but they really don’t use those skills.

People come to my seminars, workshops, you know, they hypnosis, whatever, they learn the skill, but they don’t use the skill. It’s just like Why spend time and effort and learn something that you know, you’re not going to use. And also seen people who have for some time think that they are over their pain, but only to come back and say I got it back. So it’s not a one time thing as much as you think it is. So if you have forgiven someone or you’re forgiven yourself, um, situation, you keep on doing that perpetually.

It’s something that was with you for a long time, and you just made a decision at the moment to let it go. But then it has not completely gone out of your system. So just to think that it’s gone, maybe. But then six months later, a year later it comes back then it was never gone. So any level of self-improvement is a continuous effort. And so is forgiving and forgetting. You got to continually do this for a long amount of time. For a very, very long amount of time. That’s why we say perpetually and till it kind of becomes like second nature. You completely evolved. You have completely grown so bigger so mighty or that it doesn’t matter anymore. But then it’s always looking for ways to sneak in somehow. So you got to keep You know, always ahead of where this is.

Okay, I want to stop here. Hopefully, today’s podcast episode is helpful. And if it is, do me a favor, write a review, rate the podcast, share it with your friends and family and I’ll be back here again before you know it as early as tomorrow. Thank you.