How To Handle Criticism

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome back to Success with Srini. Today on the podcast, I want to extend my thought from two days ago. Two days ago, on the podcast, I talked about how negative people are the fact of life, we can’t avoid them. We need to learn how to deal with them, we need to strengthen ourselves. And I went through the whole rant. And somewhere along the way, I talked about criticism, and people being critical of us. But today, what I want to do is I want to extend that thought a bit more because criticism in itself needs a whole podcast episode. Maybe a seminar, maybe a workshop? So how do you deal with criticism? With elegance with grace? It’s hard. But how do you do it? Is there a strategy? And is there a technique?

Well, there are many strategies and many techniques, it all depends upon you and your desire, on how to go about it. But here is the truth, criticism is a part of life. So the more significant you become, you will be criticized. The more accomplishments you have, you will be criticized. There will be critics everywhere watching you. So the best way to deal with them is to learn how to deal with them. So you become a student of criticism, that’s all there is to this. So the more you learn, the easier it becomes. So the more you experience, the easier it becomes.

So let’s talk about some strategies. The first and foremost is this, somebody saying something to you? The most important thing people react to, right? If I say something to you, you will react immediately. But why not react objectively, rather than reacting emotionally? So if you build objectivity into any act, the act itself becomes meaningful. So if objectivity is the only thing that will help us in every situation, why not build objectivity into the way we respond. So no emotions involved, you become objective, but the objective part is hard to get to that objective state instantaneously is hard. How do we do this? Well, the technique I talked about in the last podcast episode was breathing. Breathing is very powerful. It takes you to invert, talk about what it takes to invert, it gives you a little bit time and space and then allows you to react and when you react, now you’re reacting objectively. So you become calm when you breathe. But when you breathe also with all your senses, the energy goes inward. So the body is not reacting to anything that’s happening outside of you. At that moment, you take five or 10. And there’s a whole breathing technique to it. And I talked about the technique in the last episode. Once you take the time and breathe, then you start responding, chances are, your response will be more objective. So that’s where I would start I would start the first practice is to take a deep breath before you respond.

Now, once that part is done, the second strategy here is a question that you ask yourself, in your mind, is it possible that this person is right? Whoever is giving you the criticism? Is it possible that this person is right? Now the reason why you should ask this question is that nobody on this earth is perfect. You are not perfect. I’m not perfect, nobody’s perfect. Perfection is a myth. So as humans, we are individuals in the process of achieving perfection, but we will not we will have progress. But we can never ever become the ultimate form of perfection, that’s very difficult to change very difficultly to attain. So none of us are perfect. So if you agree to that statement, then the question comes is this, then this question is valid, which is, is it possible that this person could be right, could be correct. So if once you ask that question, it actually calms you down, mentally, to a good place. And it also opens up a possibility to legitimately take the criticism and I hope you are with me on this one. This is hard, but it’s doable.

Now, one other way to deal with this is to thank people, which is to appreciate you taking the time to thank them for thinking about this. Thank you for your feedback. Thank you for your words, and I’ll work on it. I’m going to talk Course and try to make the changes. So the two things happening here, you’re complimenting them, you’re also disarming them by simply saying thank you.

Then there’s also another strategy or another technique where you mentally move on. Regardless of whether the criticism is accurate or not, you just move on. And you see this celebrity do you see players, actors, you know, celebrities, you see them do this, which is right or wrong, they just move on. They don’t waste time to figure it out. And they don’t feel compelled to even respond to go to press conferences and after a game or have a movie or before the movie, and they don’t feel compelled to respond, because they just move on. If they made a mistake, they’ll move on. And they know that they made a mistake, but they don’t give enough time in their mind to whatever is coming at them. And if they realize that they made a mistake, they are going to tell themselves that, yeah, I’m going to make the change, and I’m going to work on it, I’ll have a different course of action next time around, but I need to move, I need to go from here, mentally.

Now, if sometimes, the criticism itself could be incorrect, okay. And if it’s incorrect, then they forget and move on. The bottom line is you got to move on. That’s the message. Okay? The more you think about it, the more you take it into your heart into the brain, the more energy goes away from you. So it’s kind of counterproductive at that level. Every time you successfully handle some criticism, you got to thank yourself. Because you now have defended yourself. Now you strengthen yourself. So in a way, you congratulate yourself. And you are building some control on yourself, and you’re evolving. That’s the growth we’ve talked about earlier. So there should be some level of celebration in your mind, every time you have successfully overcome or at least defended yourself, in the face of the critics hear the truth, criticism comes from all different sources.

Sometimes it’s right on your face, sometimes it’s through other people through your loved ones through in all kinds of media, it could come from multiple places, sometimes it comes all at once. So dealing with grace is hard, it’s difficult. But within every form of criticism that you get, there is always a small room for improvement. Whether it’s right or wrong, there is a small element of improvement, and there is always again. So as we say this in self-improvement, every interaction helps you to learn yourself a bit more. Likewise, criticism is also a form of interaction, which allows you to learn a little bit more about yourself. So these are some of the techniques and these are some that I personally have used. And several of my coaching clients have used it, there are more but this is this gives you a framework through which you should start looking into and depending upon it very well. You can adjust this, you should study more on this. But then all this is possible.

If you agree that criticism is a good self-improvement tool. It’s a tool for self-improvement if you take that’s the approach you take it in your mind. And that’s the belief that you carry yourself with, then all these things make sense. If not, this will not make any sense.

That’s all for now on this podcast. Hopefully, this is helpful. If it is, then let me know. Thank you for your messages. And I do get some messages from this podcast that I don’t talk about. And as much as I would like love to like to. But I’m thankful that some if not all of the podcast episodes are resonating with you. So thank you. Again, the more questions I get from you, the more I can acute myself, the more I can present myself, the more I can articulate myself and all that on this podcast. So please send me your questions or comments and of course rate the podcast and share it with your friends and family. So that’s all for now. You be wonderful wherever you are, and I will catch up with you tomorrow. Bye now.

How To Stop Living In The Past

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

On the podcast today, I’m taking up a topic that has come up numerous times in my coaching engagements in my consultations, and not only that this is something that I also dealt with in my own life, and also in the lives of several of my extended family members. And because this is so wide, it’s so widespread, that I think this is going to help you. And there’s something I’m expecting that you might have dealt with also in your life. So that’s where this is coming from. This has to do with we living in our past, the struggles that we go through, when we contrast our past, with our present, if our past was glorious, was beautiful, then we spent a majority of our time, the present time, thinking about the past because the present is not going as well as our past was. And because we experienced the glory, we now are struggling, why our present is not matching up to the past. If the past was not beautiful, that means there was pain, there was a trauma that was suffering. And then even though the present is good, we are constantly thinking about the past. Because that’s something that trauma is still there in us. And this is a common play.

This happens across the board. Every time there is a consultation every time there is a therapy-related discussion, this comes up and primarily in hypnosis, when we do regression, this comes up a lot. The question becomes is this. The truth is if we constantly live in the past, that means there are signs of depression, it could lead to depression if you spend a lot of time thinking about the past. If we constantly think about the future, now, there is anxiety, anxiousness, all those things coming in. Now, either way, there is a loss. And the only loss there is the present, the present is compromised. At the moment, we are not doing what we are supposed to do, which is to stay happy, to stay aligned. To have a full and complete view of life. As the current moment as the moment at this time, time is going we need to be in full control and have a full vision of what’s happening around us. So we are not the question becomes says, first of all, how do we know we are living in the past? And what can we do to overcome? How do we know we are living the future? And how do we overcome? Here is how we do this. And there are some symptoms, there are some things that you exhibit. And the problem is that our own behavior is invisible to us. It’s very hard for the mind to separate what is the past and what is the present. It’s very difficult. The brain oscillates everywhere. And we all of us have incredible memories because we have already seen the past. And because we have seen the past we know the past is most glorious. But of course, as I said early on, some memories, some events, they stay and the coolest down.

I’ve seen people do crazy things to forget their past. Sleep, literally sleep in the day throughout the day thinking that I’ll have better dreams, good dreams. So I don’t need to remember my past. I’ve seen people say that to me. I’ve also experienced people telling me that I want to sleep throughout the day. So that I have a good recollection of my past, I want good events from my past the play out as if they are in the present. And I can do that when I’m sleeping. So I want to have all my past come to me in my dreams so I can enjoy my present. I’ve seen people do that. I’ve also seen people spend a lot of time distracting themselves so that they can forget their past. I’ve seen people distract themselves to forget about the future because they’re anxious. And they do this distraction. They practice distraction by spending time on their laptops, on their iPhones, watching movies, Netflix, all that distraction. So essentially, there is this urge to escape, escape the reality and reality for them is either the past or the future, both combining together right and occupying the present space. Because if the future is dark, then obviously the present is getting darker. The past was dark, the present is becoming darker. So from either of these situations, they want to escape. The mind wants to escape In all this, there’s only one truth that is that you are in denial about your current living situation. You’re not accepting what is happening with you.

Now, if the past was dark than the present, this moment is the time, this is the time for you to take control, in a way diminish the effects of the past so that your future becomes good. If the future is dark, then this is the moment where you take control of your actions, your intentions and your time, and your activity. So that the future becomes less painful and more hopeful, kind of becomes positive. So the point is, we got to start living here. And now, how do we do this? The first and foremost thing is, we need to acknowledge that whatever we are doing, is not helping us. If I’m living in the past, I need to acknowledge Yes, I’m living in the past. If I’m constantly living in the future, I need to acknowledge I’m constantly living the future. So it starts with acceptance. And most of the times people don’t, even though people come to therapy to consultations, but the time somebody comes to you, that means they have already acknowledged that they have a problem. But then still, even once they are there, I take numerous commitments from them, that they are acknowledging that they have a problem. Because if there is no full acknowledgment, then it’s very difficult to find a solution.

Then the second commitment is, yes, I’m decisive, to make a shift. And I want to make a shift into the present. That’s an affirmation that has to be forced. And I do that, when I’m working with one on one people, I do it myself too, sometimes when I get stuck in the past or in the future. So it’s not about living in the present or shifting into the present doesn’t mean that I need to clean my car, I need to clean my house, I need to clean my closet, my clothes, my books, all that people do, I have done that. That’s not living in the present. shifting into the present means mentally making a commitment that I need to live in the moment, literally moving into them into the present. So I think about the day. So this is my day, this is what I have to do. These are the activities, these are the challenges, I have to apply myself to the clock and to the sun and to the moon and to the wind and to the water of the day. Now, and we do this, if you are a listener of this podcast, you heard previous episodes, we do this by setting goals. When you have figured out your goals, and when you know, you have your macro goals, you have your micro-goals, and you know your schedule, you know your time you know, your activities, all that figured out. That means you should be living in the present. Ideally.

Now, if you don’t write, despite knowing all that all your goals, everything, despite knowing all that, let’s say you still go to the past to still go to the future. That means it’s time for you to look into your goals. Remind yourself what are your goals and your activities. Sometimes it happens that we forget what our goals are, we wake up, we don’t know what to do with the day sometimes happens. We call it a funk state, you wake up you don’t know what to do. Right. So knowing the goals are important. That’s why we print the goals we base them on the walls. Now, one other critical way of dealing with or stepping into the present is understanding feelings. In an effort that goes into understanding your own feelings, people want to master their feelings. Everybody wants to master their emotional state, they don’t want to get angry, they don’t want to get worried they don’t want to get stressed out. All that could happen if you get control of the emotions of your feelings, the challengers, in order for anybody to get mastery over the feelings you need or they need to become a student of their feelings. So you need to surrender to your feelings before you can take over your feelings. So there has to be some work that has to go into understanding your feelings. So this is where journaling comes in. This is where writing comes in. This is expressing your thoughts come in all that. So there should be a commitment.

Usually, in consultations in therapy, I make people commit to making some special efforts to become a student of their own feelings first, before gaining control of their feelings. Now, despite all this, let’s say, you’re not able to step in into the present, you’re not able to move in into the present, then, of course, I suggest you connect with the professional. There’s a lot of help available today we are in your 2022 The world is an amazing place to be with so much information, so much knowledge, no, you, if you are not able to fix a situation that you’re going through today. That means it’s your denial, it’s your own limiting belief that stopping you, there is help everywhere. Also, step up. Every day that you waste is a day that you can’t get back. This is the truth. If you live in the past, then it robs you. If you live in the future, also a lot, always getting worried and always getting concerned. Always become anxious. It robs you to life that we all truly deserve, is living in the present. And that’s the point of today’s podcast. But it’s also about getting control. I recorded a video and I published it on my YouTube channel, talking about how I lived in my past. And if you’re interested in finding what this video has in it, I’ll be more than happy to send you the link or you can look up the success with the Srini YouTube channel. And you’ll find this video on how I live in my past and there is a specific technique I use to remind myself of my past. But then the most effective way to live in the present is to constantly restate your life goals to yourself. And that’s how you live out your dreams in the present time.

I hope today’s podcast is helpful. Appreciate you being a subscriber listener and feel like today’s podcast than by all means please leave me a message review rating. Share it with your friends and family. And please stay tuned. I’ll be back here again. Tomorrow. We will take up one new topic and we’ll continue the journey. Thank you. Bye now

Discover your Passion, Purpose and Power

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast:

Welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Monday morning to you. I’m still recording on my iPhone today. So stay with me today. This is the start of the week Monday. So something that I personally have been looking forward to sharing on this podcast. But for some odd reason, this has not happened till now. About a few years ago, literally, a few years ago, I came up within one of my seminars, workshops, I came up with a questionnaire that will help anybody identify their passions. And that questionnaire I shared for the very first time in the workshop. And over the period of time, over the years, I’ve kept on developing that questionnaire. And today on the podcast, I want to share it with you, I want you to hear this out. Of course, I have these questions written down. And if you want a copy of it, I’ll be more than happy to send it to you. But then I want you to hear this. Because as you are listening to this meeting things happen in the mind. So I want you to focus and listen to these questions, as I am saying these questions into the microphone. And as they’re coming through the speakers into your ears. They’re awesome.

Some questions you have to answer to find your true passions. And these 10 questions that I’ll be sharing with you now will help you find your true passions. Question number one, what is the one thing I have always wanted to do? This will allow you to identify that one thing. And the question is designed in a way that will help you also put a plan and get started. So answer the question, what is it one thing I have always wanted to do? But for some reason, I could not do it till now. Question number two, if I could spend today doing whatever I desire, what would it be? Question number three? Where do I really want to live? What city? And what kind of a house? Question number four, where would I like to visit? Which country? Which location? Maybe a mountain? Maybe a valley? Maybe an ocean? Maybe the poles of the earth? Whatever that is? What is that location? Where do I want to visit?

Next one, what do I talk about doing but I never do? This is a big one. What do I talk about doing but I never do it? What are the reasons? I don’t go after my dreams, time, effort, relationships, money, or something else? Or other reasons why? I’m not going after my dreams? How do you finish the sentence? How will I finish the sentence? More than anything? Before I die? I want to more than anything before I die. I want to.

Next one, what are the things in my life that I would like to get rid of now? Which people in my life inspired me and why? If I were to make just one radical change in my life right now, to make my life better? What would it be? How do I feel when I put all my effort into accomplishing one of my goals? How do I feel whenever I achieve a life goal? What is the one thing that’s missing in my life today? Who are my biggest supporters? Who gets in my way of achieving my goals?

These are the questions. Take some time. It doesn’t take a lot of time, maybe 30 minutes today. I want you to replay this podcast. Listen to these questions. Answer these questions. And as you answer these questions, don’t do it once do it. Maybe do it today if you have time, but then also do it towards the end of the week. Or maybe a few more times next week. So you could do this two or three times and look at all the answers. And as you start answering them you’ll see, you’re discovering a whole new side of you.

This question is designed to explore your passions, but then also redefine your identity. That is, there are multiple outcomes that could happen as a result of you answering these questions. So I want you to take some time. And I’ll tell you, you do this, you’ll start to ponder at a whole different level. In each question, the answer to each question could change as you attempt answering these questions multiple times over the next few weeks, but you want to do it, you’ll identify your passions. But then also, a few more things will happen. We’ll get back your excitement will find joy. And you’ll also feel fulfilled as you’re doing this. These are the outcomes as you attempt these questions, that’s all for now. You have a wonderful Monday, start the week, and we’ll come back tomorrow and hopefully, I’m back on my regular mic and my podcasts. That’s all for now. Take care. Bye.