Negative People are a Fact of Life

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast:

Welcome, or welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Sunday morning to you, as I’m recording this podcast today, you may hear this podcast a little differently. The sound might be different. Because I’m recording this on my iPhone, my usual setup is not working. I record all my podcasts using a Blue Yeti microphone that’s connected to my laptop. And I use a software called Audacity. For some reason, the connectivity is not working today. But this podcast has to be recorded. So I moved on to my iPhone. I’m recording this. Hopefully, this sounds okay.

On the podcast today, I’m answering a question that has come to me several times in the past, but also over this weekend. And this is about dealing with negative people Srini. How do you deal with negative people? And my answer this week as there is no one way you deal with negative people. And there is no one absolute way how you can avoid negative people. Because negative people are everywhere. In other words, negativity is everywhere. And sometimes some of the negative people we have in our lives are there without our choice. And some we have created this choice. So people whom we created can change. But people for whom we were created, and they happen to be negative that we cannot change that. So some relatives, we cannot change, some friendships we can if we choose to. But then the point is, it’s not about changing anyone, it’s about changing ourselves to deal with them. That’s the point.

So usually when I’m dealing with negative people, and I deal a lot, I have a few frames through which I look at them. The first and the foremost frame is I’m very objective with them. So if somebody is making a negative comment on me, or somebody saying something that pulls me down, I love them to do it. Because there is no way I can fight them, there is no way I can win over them. I love them to do it. But the way I process it internally is, I feel sorry for them. Because they don’t know how to live collectively how to live with everybody around. And they don’t know that they’re hurting most of the time they don’t know they’re saying something that is affecting me or others in a bad way. They don’t know this. So I let them do what they are or I let them say what they’re saying. And I just forgive them in my thoughts. And I move on because I need to deal with them tomorrow.

Anyway, some are very objective when I’m dealing with them. And the objective aspect of this is, I know they’re going to say something negative. But they’re not saying that to hurt me. That’s how they are expressing their emotions. And that’s how they’re dealing with their life. So it’s okay, I move on. I also tried to keep my conversations good with negative people. Minimal, very minimal. I don’t get into deep conversations, I don’t get into debates, I don’t try to win over them with my points or with my argument, I don’t. Minimal conversation, get the point across the very light conversation and get out. And because if you get into a deeper conversation with them, that means in a way you’re rewarding their talk. And just a matter of time before they may talk a couple of positive things, but then they slip into a negative discussion very quickly.

As a student of self-improvement, your job is to keep looking at how a conversation is shifting. If it’s shifting towards negativity, you have to excuse yourself. So if you stay longer in the conversation, that means you are avoiding them. So be careful. Sometimes I see people do this, they enthusiastically support a negative conversation, hoping that, you know, it turns to turns into a positive one, but it doesn’t. So be careful how you give attention and to what you give attention to. One other thing I would also do is try not to be alone with them. If there are more people, I probably usually extend the conversation a little bit deeper. I go with them. But then if I’m alone with them, I try to detach as soon as possible. Now, as I’m saying this as I’m expressing all these stinks with you.

At no point in time, have I tried to be a negative influence on them, I’m always positive. So my frame is always positive, I’m supportive, I love them. I wish well for them. But at the same time, I don’t want to be with them for a long amount of time within which they’re pulling me down. Sometimes I also invest time to find out what is the specific reason why they are negative. But then if it takes a long time for me to solve it, or, or triage, but it’s not worth the investment. So I try to be as less engaged with them as possible. As I’m dealing with them.

Hopefully, I’m coming across this one. Sometimes some negativity goes too far. The How far is far that’s up to you to decide. And I can’t say that, but then sometimes it does go very far. Then at that point, at whatever point that is for you, you need to make a call. And you say, I want to save myself, and saving myself is the only option left. Sometimes some relationships should not be maintained, cannot be maintained. And the only thing that comes into your life is negativity because of that relationship. So sometimes you have to eliminate those individuals from your life. That’s your call. And whatever it is, it is what it is for you. This is the fact. The fact is negative people are a fact of life and this is something that we all have to learn to deal with. There are so many strategies. There are so many techniques. But the truth is, the more you spend time with them, the more chances that you need to learn how to keep yourself positive. So some good does come out of it. That means you strengthen yourself. But then there’s also a possibility that no matter how hard you try to stay positive, you may become negative. Be careful.

That’s all for now. You enjoy your Sunday. I’ll talk to you tomorrow hopefully with the fixed microphone setup, hopefully. Thank you. Bye now.

How to Say “No”

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome or welcome back to Success with Srini. Today on the podcast, I want to touch on a very sensitive topic, which I know is not an issue right now, you may not feel it as an issue. But if you really think through it, it’s an issue. The issue is having the courage to say no. How many times you have given into people’s unreasonable asks, how many times have you done things without you like to do things? And you have done it so many times that now you feel as if you’re wired, to say yes to anything that’s coming at you. As a kid, it’s okay. As then. I don’t think as a kid, we were saying yes to everything. But if I look back on my childhood, I was raised to say yes to everything. And growing up, that’s the programming. So as a young adult, saying yes to everything. And then at some point, I started to realize that there is a way or at least there is a reason to say no, I did not know the way. But I did know that sometimes I need to say no to things that are being asked of me. A part of my upbringing also involves that I try to satisfy everyone.

Now, if you try to satisfy everyone, you don’t have a life for yourself. That’s the truth. So the question becomes is how do you say no? Well, there are a few strategies. And these are well-documented strategies. The first and the foremost is that you can say no, by explaining your existing commitments, which take up your time, that take up their attention, and they take up your energy. So explain your existing commitments? How they take up your time, your effort, your attention, and energy, that’s a good way to say no. There are also some ways people say this, this, I’m in the middle of something, I’ll get back to you, and they never get back to you. So they delay the act of saying no. So they defer the act of saying no, they never get to say no. So they leave other people much angrier because the other person might be expecting an answer. So I’ll get back to you. They never get back. You might have heard that. Some other way of saying no. But then you rather be more direct, it’s better to be direct.

Then there is the other thing, which you say, I will think about this, and I’ll get back to you. That’s also another way of saying no, I’ll think about this, I’ll get back to you. Now, hopefully, you’ll build enough courage. And you’ll do your enough research and all that and you’ll build courage, and then you will say no, hopefully. But the immediate response that the listener is getting is that you said no, maybe a soft, no. But then eventually we’ll get back and say the hard note, which is no mean. If somebody is trying to sell something to you, you could always say, Listen, this offering doesn’t meet my needs. And I’ll get back to you. If my need changes. That’s a good way to put it. I said that every time I am being pitched something or somebody’s trying to sell me something, I tell them to listen, this is not that I, I respect you, I understand what you are trying to do. But that doesn’t fit my need now, and I’ll get back to you. When my needs change. And people have done that, to me also, you know, people, seven, eight years ago, I told them to do something, they at that point in time did not see a need. But eventually, seven, eight years later, they got back to me saying I feel there is a need. And now I’m ready to invest or buy or whatever.

Sometimes I’m being asked to do something that may not be the right fit as a coach, as a consultant, I’m not the right fit. So I tell them politely that I don’t think I’m the right fit for you. But so in so would be of better help. So I tell them to go meet other people. And sometimes I have to also take a harder path somebody asks me something, as a coach, I say listen, I would love to help you. But and I give the reasons why my help will not help them really, you know, my effort will not help them. So there are different ways I say no now in understanding the art of saying no. Now transitioning from always saying yes. To sing occasionally the No. And then kind of making no as a primary mode of response. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s To practice. So, I suggest that you start out by saying no, at least once a day to something, not a lot, do it. No, I cannot do it. No, this doesn’t make sense, something like that some something in some real context, dealing with somebody who you interact with on an ongoing basis or a daily basis, something like that. Right? You start practicing the know, in smaller contexts. So you could practice this in bigger contexts.

Now, yes, without no is appeasement. Whereas No, without yes is war. This was William Ury. William Ury, wrote this incredible book called The Power of Positive now, this is the book that I read many, many years ago, and it fundamentally shifted my thinking. And William Ury, is an incredible author, speaker, he wrote several other books along the way, one of the other books was getting to yes. So William Ury specializes in conflict resolution, he has been involved in some of resolving deep conflicts at country levels at the head of the country’s state levels. And he’s the author of the negotiation course at Harvard. So incredible book, he wrote The Power of Positive No, read that book highly suggest you read the book. And that’s the book that shifted my understanding of how to say no and learned the art. And it’s an incredible book, there are so many different strategies there. And it’s just difficult for me to talk all of them on a podcast like this, but you get an idea. And he also says something interesting, because he wrote the power of positive now and then getting to yes, and several other books, but he says something the great art is to learn to integrate the two to marry yes and no.

That is the secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying valuable agreements and precious relationships. So profound statements. People say no because they don’t have to hurt the relationships are people who love but then by saying no, that compromising their position. So the art is to marry yes and no. Keep your identity intact, at the same time, make the other party feel that you are respecting them also. I hope that this podcast is helpful. If it is do me a favor, share it like it, write a review. And if you have a question for me, you know how to reach me at 888-818-0404. That’s the number two, the podcast that’s the number two, my radio show. That’s the number to my office. So call me to text me on the number. Let me know if you have a question for me and I’ll do everything I can to answer your questions on this podcast. I’ll take your question. I’ll answer it for you. I’ll coach you through your situation. That’s my promise to you. That’s all for now. Have a wonderful Saturday and I will talk to you tomorrow. Bye now.

Two Questions That Will Instill Accountability

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Friday to you. Friday morning, precisely Friday morning, as I’m recording this. Today on the podcast, we are talking about accountability, something that I should have done. Nearly at the very beginning when we started this podcast, which is the first of January, the last one-half months, I don’t think I ever did an episode talking about accountability, which is primary for any level of success.

So, two questions, I want to leave you with us on this podcast today. It’s a Friday, so I’ll keep it very short. The first question is this if I put a camera behind you, from the time you wake up in the morning, from the time you go to sleep, one camera is going to follow you around and is going to record everything nonstop for 16 hours or whatever number of hours from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Okay, I want you to tell me, I want you to imagine this for a second in your mind. And I want you to tell me, what is the final play? When do you play the recording? What will you see on that recording? This question earlier, many, many years ago, maybe 60, 70 years ago in the self-improvement space and accountability space, this question was like this. If I put one individual behind you, who will follow you everywhere you go. Then at the end of the day, what would be that person’s logical conclusion about you, your life, and your future? We live in the social media world we live in-camera world now like everywhere you have a camera, everything is a camera. So the question has changed if I put a camera behind you? What will the camera conclude? Or what will the camera record about you your life and your future? The point is, the majority of our life is the result of the actions that we take each day.

So what actions are you taking? How are you leading this life? How are you structuring everything that’s happening for you on a daily basis? On every podcast here, if you go back and you listen to every podcast I’ve done, it’s all about structure. It’s all about planning. It’s all about execution. So you listen to everything you don’t act, then I think this is the last game. Of course, the last game. Now. The second question is this. What if you lived this day? Or yesterday? Let’s take your yesterday as the average day, for the next five years to live your yesterday? What is the logical outcome? How will be your health? What’s your financial status? What’s your emotional status? What is your physical status, whatever? What will your five years from now will look like if yesterday was your average day? Now, this leads to two other questions. I want you to really think through these two questions. So what happens if somebody follows you throughout the day? What will the record about your life about you about your life and about your future? And then if yesterday was your average day, then how is your life going to be from five years from today? Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, economically, all that the answer is not good. If the answer is not good, then I want you to seriously take yourself seriously. I want you to seriously take yourself seriously.
That’s a wonderful phrase right there. Okay, so the bottom line is this. It doesn’t take a lot to be successful.

But it does take consistency. The number of listeners on this podcast is fluctuating. Initially, I had a lot of listeners. And now slowly the numbers are going down. I think people are tuning out as much as this podcast is about you and your ratings and your reviews and you sharing and you getting back to me with your questions and all. But this podcast is more about my consistency. I need to be consistent on this podcast. Doesn’t matter who’s listening who’s not listening. You will listen to this podcast. Thank you. Thank you for your support. You’re not listening to it. I absolutely do not miss you. I’m serious about this. Because this is about me before it is about you. There are two reasons why people fail. Number one, they have no idea what they are doing. If that’s where you are I want to take some time. Block your Friday evening off, think through what you’re doing. Okay, build some ideas around what you’re doing. The second reason why people fail is that they don’t do things each day that will create the life they want. So it’s very simple. Take your entire day. And so many strategies I already talked about here, you know how to structure your day, but set a time, wake up at 434 minutes 430. But then set a time in the morning, where you wake up, and then decide what you want to do in the first hour and the second one, the third hour, three hours, first three hours in the day, from the time you wake up, and then take off the whole day, if you want to, just don’t do anything. If you want to just spend your time away, doing nothing to something meaningful, something that stacks up in the first three hours for the time that you wake up. Everything else is a bonus. But don’t squander away, all the 24 hours doing nothing. That’s the point.

Again, success is easy. But it demands consistency. It demands that you put in whatever is needed for you to put in, and it is going to deliver whatever you are supposed to get. And if you’re putting in the right things, then absolutely, it’s going to give you a reward you back in a very big way. I’m gonna give you one example. And we’ll wrap this up. See if you have to do 10 Push-ups now, or 10 Pull-Ups. Now, it’s very hard if you start today. But if you just do one pull-up or one push-up, and you keep adding one more push-up every week. So you do one pushup today, you do one push-up tomorrow. And one more the day after. And you do that over the next seven days. And then you go to two push-ups. And you do that for one more week. Then add one more, three push-ups for one more week, four push-ups for one more week. And you do that for let’s say for a year 54 weeks, you think at the end of the 54 weeks, you’ll get tired and possible, you’ll not get tired, you probably will compete in the most number of pushups in a day challenge. If there is one, I think there is one like that, but you get the point. So it’s all about small little tiny steps that you take in any area of your life. So at the very beginning of this podcast at the very beginning of this year, on this podcast, I talked about five different areas that you need to have goals, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, set those goals, and make one tiny step in each of these areas every day, one tiny step. And you do that consistently.

You want to become wealthy, you just say $1 a day for the rest of your life. And that $1 has to go into some investment for the rest of your life. See what happens. magic happens. And then 1020 years from now you’re the wealthiest individual around and everybody’s looking at you and saying, Oh, I don’t know how he or she made it. No, its consistency is the consistency that made it and you were consistent in taking actions. Reward consistency. Somebody asks you to say go become consistent, exactly what I’m telling you here on the podcast. I’m demonstrating that to you, hopefully, a year from now I come back and say, Listen, I had an option to drop this podcast. But I did not. I just want one year to go by doing every day this podcast without any interruptions. I’m just praying to God that just give me one year for me to do this podcast. I just like sometimes I wake up and think I can’t do this. It just crossed my mind. But then because I want to be consistent. That’s the commitment I made to myself. I want to do this.

That’s all I want to stop here. If I go any further, I’m preaching. I think the content is done. Whatever I was wanted to share with you. It’s done. So go take the tiny action now. And do that tomorrow and the day after and be consistent. Okay, bye now.