Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
Welcome or welcome back to Success with Srini. Today on the podcast, I want to touch on a very sensitive topic, which I know is not an issue right now, you may not feel it as an issue. But if you really think through it, it’s an issue. The issue is having the courage to say no. How many times you have given into people’s unreasonable asks, how many times have you done things without you like to do things? And you have done it so many times that now you feel as if you’re wired, to say yes to anything that’s coming at you. As a kid, it’s okay. As then. I don’t think as a kid, we were saying yes to everything. But if I look back on my childhood, I was raised to say yes to everything. And growing up, that’s the programming. So as a young adult, saying yes to everything. And then at some point, I started to realize that there is a way or at least there is a reason to say no, I did not know the way. But I did know that sometimes I need to say no to things that are being asked of me. A part of my upbringing also involves that I try to satisfy everyone.
Now, if you try to satisfy everyone, you don’t have a life for yourself. That’s the truth. So the question becomes is how do you say no? Well, there are a few strategies. And these are well-documented strategies. The first and the foremost is that you can say no, by explaining your existing commitments, which take up your time, that take up their attention, and they take up your energy. So explain your existing commitments? How they take up your time, your effort, your attention, and energy, that’s a good way to say no. There are also some ways people say this, this, I’m in the middle of something, I’ll get back to you, and they never get back to you. So they delay the act of saying no. So they defer the act of saying no, they never get to say no. So they leave other people much angrier because the other person might be expecting an answer. So I’ll get back to you. They never get back. You might have heard that. Some other way of saying no. But then you rather be more direct, it’s better to be direct.
Then there is the other thing, which you say, I will think about this, and I’ll get back to you. That’s also another way of saying no, I’ll think about this, I’ll get back to you. Now, hopefully, you’ll build enough courage. And you’ll do your enough research and all that and you’ll build courage, and then you will say no, hopefully. But the immediate response that the listener is getting is that you said no, maybe a soft, no. But then eventually we’ll get back and say the hard note, which is no mean. If somebody is trying to sell something to you, you could always say, Listen, this offering doesn’t meet my needs. And I’ll get back to you. If my need changes. That’s a good way to put it. I said that every time I am being pitched something or somebody’s trying to sell me something, I tell them to listen, this is not that I, I respect you, I understand what you are trying to do. But that doesn’t fit my need now, and I’ll get back to you. When my needs change. And people have done that, to me also, you know, people, seven, eight years ago, I told them to do something, they at that point in time did not see a need. But eventually, seven, eight years later, they got back to me saying I feel there is a need. And now I’m ready to invest or buy or whatever.
Sometimes I’m being asked to do something that may not be the right fit as a coach, as a consultant, I’m not the right fit. So I tell them politely that I don’t think I’m the right fit for you. But so in so would be of better help. So I tell them to go meet other people. And sometimes I have to also take a harder path somebody asks me something, as a coach, I say listen, I would love to help you. But and I give the reasons why my help will not help them really, you know, my effort will not help them. So there are different ways I say no now in understanding the art of saying no. Now transitioning from always saying yes. To sing occasionally the No. And then kind of making no as a primary mode of response. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s To practice. So, I suggest that you start out by saying no, at least once a day to something, not a lot, do it. No, I cannot do it. No, this doesn’t make sense, something like that some something in some real context, dealing with somebody who you interact with on an ongoing basis or a daily basis, something like that. Right? You start practicing the know, in smaller contexts. So you could practice this in bigger contexts.
Now, yes, without no is appeasement. Whereas No, without yes is war. This was William Ury. William Ury, wrote this incredible book called The Power of Positive now, this is the book that I read many, many years ago, and it fundamentally shifted my thinking. And William Ury, is an incredible author, speaker, he wrote several other books along the way, one of the other books was getting to yes. So William Ury specializes in conflict resolution, he has been involved in some of resolving deep conflicts at country levels at the head of the country’s state levels. And he’s the author of the negotiation course at Harvard. So incredible book, he wrote The Power of Positive No, read that book highly suggest you read the book. And that’s the book that shifted my understanding of how to say no and learned the art. And it’s an incredible book, there are so many different strategies there. And it’s just difficult for me to talk all of them on a podcast like this, but you get an idea. And he also says something interesting, because he wrote the power of positive now and then getting to yes, and several other books, but he says something the great art is to learn to integrate the two to marry yes and no.
That is the secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying valuable agreements and precious relationships. So profound statements. People say no because they don’t have to hurt the relationships are people who love but then by saying no, that compromising their position. So the art is to marry yes and no. Keep your identity intact, at the same time, make the other party feel that you are respecting them also. I hope that this podcast is helpful. If it is do me a favor, share it like it, write a review. And if you have a question for me, you know how to reach me at 888-818-0404. That’s the number two, the podcast that’s the number two, my radio show. That’s the number to my office. So call me to text me on the number. Let me know if you have a question for me and I’ll do everything I can to answer your questions on this podcast. I’ll take your question. I’ll answer it for you. I’ll coach you through your situation. That’s my promise to you. That’s all for now. Have a wonderful Saturday and I will talk to you tomorrow. Bye now.