Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
Today’s podcast episode is inspired by a conversation I just had with a dear friend of mine, who is a big celebrity on social media and has a huge following, and does some incredible things. We were having just an offline conversation, and suddenly he brings this question up. It says, “Srini, how do you deal with rejection? You know, lately, I have been getting a lot of pushback from my followers, I usually overlook their comments. But then I, sometimes I gave in, I gave into what they’re saying. And I go into this mode where I cannot recover for a few days. And then I come back, because, you know, this is what my life is all about. So I come back, I’m okay. And I’m okay only to a point. Again, when somebody attacks me, and then I just shut down again. So this process has been happening a lot lately. So I wanted to find out from you, how do you deal with this?”
Now, me being me, I don’t have any social media presence, and I don’t have any numbers to show or that big of a reach or influence. It was unusual for him to ask me this question. But then I have had my own share of issues. And I continue to have my own shit small, but I do, which is some people don’t like what I say. Some people do not like how I say, some people don’t like who I am at all. I’ve seen that happen. And I think all of us have gone through this, regardless, because this is the human mystery of human life itself. We being humans, is the mystery of life. Sometimes, whatever art presents itself, is not liked by some people. Sometimes people don’t like what we say or how we think, all for different reasons. And there is no reason why they think that way. That is their own understanding, there is not much anybody can do.
Now, if I go on the radio, I do shows. And I do seminars and workshops. So I’m in the center of the activity. And sometimes people don’t like what I say. Now, for people on social media, as a friend of mine. The challenge is when you are on social media, and you’re saying every day, this podcast also I do it every day, there is a possibility that I could contradict myself across multiple different podcast episodes. So you asked me a question today. And six months from now, you come back and ask the same question, I might have a different answer. And somebody who is closely listening to me can say okay, you said this, six months ago, you’re saying this now? And your answers are completely opposite? And what should I do? You know, which one should I follow? Well, it happens that if you stay too long on something, and you’re exposed at that level, or you are being exposed at that level, there is a possibility that you may contradict yourself. And we see this happening with commentators with sports commentators and critiques and all that so very naturally. Because the question is not about whether you contradict yourself. The question is more about the stance you take. So one of my messages to this trend is that as long as you hold your ground, and as long as you believe, and your convictions are strong enough, you should be okay. So, the truth of the matter is, no matter how well we do what we do, there are some who will never like us. And there are some who will like us unconditionally, my parents would like me, no matter what your parents will like you, you know, there are people in our lives, the way we are created, they want to love us, no matter what we do. And there are people no matter how hard we work to satisfy them, please them, they’re not going to like us.
Many, many years ago, I came up with this formula, I said 20% of this world population will love you, regardless of what you do. And 20% will absolutely reject you, no matter what you do, despite your best intentions. And then there is 60 person in the middle, who you want to convince or who you want to impress and move them towards the 20%. who love you. So your job is to convert the other 60 people in the middle to love you. Some people do it very effectively. And that’s why they’re successful. That’s how they’re being celebrated. And some people cannot, it’s okay, it’s perfectly fine. The goal is not to impress people. The goal is to share your thoughts and your convictions, your beliefs, and take a position as long as you take a position then you’re fine. So if you start satisfying everybody in your life today, you will end up satisfying no one. You just satisfy people who you want to satisfy. And the people who count on you who look up to you. You do whatever best you can for them and ignore the rest and That way your life is meaningful. And whatever you’re trying to do, has some impact and has some meaning at the end of the day.
So let’s talk about rejection for a second rejection and acceptance. So life is all in between these two extremes, we will reject you, people love you, and then everybody else in the middle. So if somebody is leaving you, or resenting you, or commenting on you, your job is to figure out, Is there any truth to this? It’s a big one, I get feedback all the time people send messages to me. I didn’t like what you said. And I don’t like what you know how you said it? It’s okay. But is there any truth to it? Because if there is truth to it, that means that it’s a lesson there. The person, the individual who is good, who says these things are qualified? Or the credible? Or it’s the shadow comment, or it’s an invisible comment, support? Comment, who knows? Right? We don’t know, a lot of bots all over the place? And what is their motive? Your motive, you know, why you’re doing what you’re doing? But what is their motive? These are the three things I would ask. And there is a recovery. Also, every time somebody says something to you, it’s natural, you take the hurt, but then as a professional, you know how to recover and come back. And how do you come back, there are about three or four things I’ve discovered over the years. The first and foremost is that in every interaction in life, there is a lesson. So you got to take the lesson very quickly. And you got to move, take the lesson quickly and move. If you stay on that thought, for a day, or two, or three, it’s hard to move, and you can’t move on. And now everything that you have done is being challenged. So gotta move quick. And you have to move quickly by taking the lesson, then I also have a rule, which is you got to focus on the nine, not on the one. What it means are the 10 things that you’re doing. So other 10 people you are doing it for. And there are 10 things that you’re navigating, and there is 10 life that you’re living. So there is a lot going on in your life, if one is off, don’t worry about it. Focus on the nine because those nine are going to create the value and the returns and whatever it is for you don’t focus on the one. So it’s good when it’s natural, that you cannot get all the 10, right? Sometimes it could be seven and three for you, it will be five and five for you depending, it’s different for each individual. But you get the idea, I would focus on nine, not on the one, then, obviously, sometimes, if the criticism is getting into you, in this specific case, this friend of mine who’s actually very good in dealing with all this stuff, but somehow for some reason, he asked me this question.
So my suggestion to him was that you need to physically come out like physically come out of this feeling. And one of the best ways to come out of any negative feeling is to do some breath work. And maybe a little bit of hypnosis, or yoga, or meditation, or all of that stuff. So breathing helps to methodically interrupt the feeling like literally interrupting the feeling, and disassociate yourself from what’s coming at you. So there are some techniques I shared here before also on how to breathe, like you hold your count at three, breathe and hold it for five. And when exhibit for three different techniques are there 5-5-5, 3-5-3, and 5-7-5 different ways you can do it, and different counts, you can use. But the idea is to as you’re breathing, you’re going inward, so you’re focused, all your attention is focused inward. So you’re not really focusing on the things that others have done to you or are saying to you. So your attention, your concentration, all that is focused inward, so which disassociates you from everything happening outside. And that’s how you recover quickly from this. And then one other thing, which is you got to improve the course of action. If somebody is saying something to you, and they’re credible, there is some truth to it and they don’t have any ulterior motives, then you need to improve the course of action, whatever it is. So if you set something a second way you can change it. Sometimes, as in the broadcasting world, I’m in sometimes due to time constraints, and there could be many things happening in the studio. I somehow cannot convey the real intent using the right words and English is not my first language. And even on this podcast, too.
Sometimes I cannot convey sometimes I repeat myself I keep on going over and over again. But at some point, somehow, I can’t do it. And that is a lack of capability right there, which by the way could be improved. And I keep trying to improve it, and I struggle with it. But you get the idea. So, something has to change, because something did not sound right. And that is in education in itself. And that is something that has to be worked on, provided, the person who gave you the criticism or commented on you, or rejected you is credible. So, these are some pots, these are some ideas. But the biggest thing I told my friend is that the bigger you become, like right now, with his million followers, whatever, they could become 10 million, and they could become 100 million, and which he should, anyway, he should get that success. The thing is, if the positive scales, the negative also scales. So if you’re getting only one attack today, per day, you will get 10 attacks a day. So that is also going to become bigger. And, you know, it’s life. That’s how it works. And I start to appreciate this now knowing what I know about life, which is if somebody criticizes you on your face, it’s a welcome sign, then people who do not and keep it inside of them, and become weird. They deal with you, but this is weird, you know, just not right. So it’s good that they’re expressing what they’re saying. And that way you also take a lesson from this and you also move on and you become stronger along the way. That’s the bigger one.
Okay. That’s all for now. Wherever you are, be safe, and I’ll catch up with you as early as tomorrow. Stay tuned.