Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
Good afternoon. Good morning. Good evening to you wherever you are. Happy Friday morning to you, as I’m recording this welcome or welcome back to success with Srini. We are now entering officially, we have already entered into this part of the year where things are slowing down. We are in the holiday mood. As I’m recording this podcast, we have what, six days away from Thanksgiving? So we’re slowing down. This is the time to use your mental energies to create a wonderful image of what you want to be next year, or where you want to be next year. And why you want to be next year. All this is the time to think all that this is the time to self-explore, this is the time to ponder this is the time to put together a plan that you want to execute at the beginning at the start of the next year, the new year. So be slowing down to really take off in a very big way. We’ve got a blast off starting January 1. And January 1 is the common start date for everybody on this earth. So you’re looking for a common start on January 1, but you’re looking for a start.
Now, in this moment right now, then you feel you’re welcome. And feel free to use this time to achieve some goals. Tomorrow on the podcast, I’m going to talk about some things that you can do to really accelerate your success in the new year. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. But then today, I had something else on my mind. So allow me to share that now. But do not forget to listen to tomorrow’s podcast. I get this question all the time. Is there one thing I can do to create success? To undo all the wrong things, all my failures? Is there a secret that you know? Does nobody know? I answered this question. I don’t know how many times on this podcast. But for sure. Like a zillion times on my radio show. Nobody knows the secret. Nobody has a secret. Everybody, anybody who talks anything writes anything. Just like me doing podcasts radio shows, seminars or workshops, writing books, whatever. None of us know, the secret to success. And if I ever, in my lifetime, ever, like telling you that I know the secret to the success and tax success which you want. Then I’m sorry, I never did that. And because nobody knows. Nobody knows the secret. But then, because I was getting this question so many times over the years, I have constantly pondered on this. Like if somebody asks me the question next time around, what should I tell them? What’s the secret? They’re expecting a secret because they think that I know it? And over the years, my answer has changed. Sometimes I said, You got to really work hard. Sometimes I said you need to really work on your emotional state and physical state. I mean, I gave all kinds of answers without really because these answers all the answers make sense.
So if anybody asks you a question on how to find a job, let’s say you’re not a career coach, somebody asks you How do I get my next job? You will have a valid answer. I know you will. All you will say is that listen, hey, go write a resume. And then keep applying that the basic, basic advice. And it sounds right to do it. If somebody asks you how to lose weight, you will tell them go listen, hey, work out, eat well eat right sleep well workout. Because I’ve done that. I have given that advice. But then the truth is, the advice is right. But the question becomes says is it applicable? Will it work for the individual whom you’re giving that advice? That’s the challenge. Each one of us is made differently. Even though we look identical, we have symmetry. But we are humans, but we all are different. So every mind is different. Every individual is different. And each individual’s personal, social, financial, emotional, and physical, the cont all these contexts are different. That’s why each one of us is unique. So what can I say that is going to make sense?
So here’s what I know, based on my own observation of myself. If I get a bit better, on my health a bit better, with my money a bit better with my relationships a bit better with my equation with my higher self, spirituality, my life is going to become much better, just a bit, just changing a bit. And I have all goals that I have in my mind around these areas. But then the question is, what is the one thing that I can do? That’s going to make all these areas stand out. So I don’t need to really work hard individually in all these areas. There are some common things that apply to all these areas. So over the years, based on my own understanding, and my own exploration, I have come to realize that if I do this one thing, this one thing, it will completely change my game, because I have done it. And I’ve seen the results. And that is my ability to listen more. I talked about this in earlier podcasts also. But I’m making a big deal today. So your success is your listening. Not reading, not watching. Not working hard. Not getting lucky. They all may be true. But this is the secret.
Your success is your listening. The problem is the majority of the time we listen to good things. But people tell me that I listen to your podcast, I listen to other podcasts. I listen to experts, I listen to, you know, people who are much more successful than me at my work. But somehow, it’s not happening to me. Then I tell them, it’s not what you’re listening to. It is what you are hearing. What you hear, obviously, depends on what you listen to. But then, if you’re listening to the good stuff, but you’re not taking away good things from it. It is because you’re not hearing and not hearing. How you hear this is where your values, beliefs, your understandings, your experiences, and your deep involvement with life come into play. If you want an example, somebody who rejects everything. Even if you put a good story, a good narrative, or good advice in front of them because their mind operates in rejection. They will reject someone who operates in acceptance, you put something that may not be the best. For example, Hey, go work out. Eat Right. Sleep well, you lose weight. And you say that to an individual who is literally hearing you. They’re in an acceptance mode, they are in a suggesting mode. And you say that to them, they take that information, they work on it, and they create amazing results.
So case in point, what are you hearing? What are you hearing? Hearing just not listening, of course, you have to listen. But as you hear, you become more intelligent. You build more empathy, you will remove conflict from your in your inside from your insight, and also from outside. You remove conflict you become an amazingly different individual just by hearing. But why is hearing difficult? Why people don’t hear the Listen, I people tell me, I’m working out I was working out. I was listening to a podcast while I was hiking. I was listening to a podcast and they’re doing something. It’s called distractive listening. I listen to your podcast. I don’t see people telling me that they listen to the podcast. I’m not. I’m thankful. But I’m not impressed. What impresses me is what they hear if You tell me that I heard this. The minute somebody says, I heard you say this, I know that they’re going to act on it. I listened to your podcast, and I’ve subscribed to your podcast and occasionally heard your show on the air. I know. Hopefully, they will. Eventually, they may hear something good. And hopefully, something good will happen to them. People tell me, I’ve been listening to your radio show for 10 years, and I just called you. And I tell them, I tell them, I’m sorry. Did you call me today? And they’re like, What? In their mind, like, called you today? You should be happy. Yes, I am. But I’m also sad. I’m sad. Because there is something there is a flaw in me, I couldn’t say something the right way. Or I did not say something the right way, in a correct way, in a way I could not present that otherwise would have compelled you to call me or would have compelled you to come to a workshop or a seminar. I couldn’t do it. The fault is on me, I take the onus of that. 10 years.
So I asked people, this caller How long are you dealing with this problem? Oh, I’ve been dealing with this for three years. Five years. I was listening to you for 10 years. And I’m calling you today? Why do you have to go through this pain, the suffering, I’m not saying I’m going to take away your pain or your suffering. All I’m saying is you didn’t do what I was expecting you to do, which is you call me today gotta call me five years ago. Not that by calling me your problem is gonna go away, or I can solve your problem. That’s not the point, at least, you know, from your side, you explored everything, you did not leave any stone unturned. Why is becoming a good listener hard, why people don’t become good listeners? Well, here’s why. The brain does two things unconsciously. Like, a machine it does, which is it is judging. And it is reacting. So I’ve had this happen to me multiple times on air when somebody calls him on my radio show, and I’m talking to them. And they’re, they’re talking that they’re either explaining the situation.
And they’re saying something, and I talk over them. And I did that for years and years. Despite my knowing because I analyze my calls, I listen to my calls, I listen to my shows. And I know that I’m doing wrong, and I want to slow down, I want to restrain myself from doing it. I don’t want to talk over and somebody’s talking to me. I want to give them the space and time for them to express themselves. And once they are done, I should speak but I do not. And I talk about them, it’s an insult to them. It’s also an insult to me because I’m displaying a lack of professionalism as I’m doing that. And when I talk over somebody, it shows that I’m not an authority. I don’t have what they’re seeking, they’re calling in because they have a problem. And I’m stopping them from expressing themselves. totally incorrect. And over the years I struggled with it. And I went through every possible mechanism to or seeking a solution to overcome this problem. And I came to these two things, the brain reacting and judging how sound operates. What do you do? The minute you want to say something, you stop. You don’t say anything. So now these days, over the last couple of years, I have this new rule that now has become autonomous in my mind. It’s like an unconscious response in my brain. I programmed my mind that I will not respond to someone.
The moment in the first point urged me to respond, I will completely restrain myself. So I’m not reacting. And I’m not judging. Of course, the judgment part is not there, but I do not want to react the first moment when I realized that I have to react. It’s very hard to control that but I’m learning to control it. So I want to share the resource with you which I have not tried yet, but I’m suggesting you do. This is a book by, I believe, Patrick Kang, I believe. And the title of the book is how to listen with intention. Go get the book, read the book, I have not yet gotten my hands on it. I will one of these days. But I want to leave you with two tips are two insights on how to become a good listener. Based on my own understanding of myself, I’ve seen two things that have played out very well for me. And this is how I have become a good listener with intention. I’m getting there. I don’t I can’t say that I’m a good listener, but I’m getting there. The first one is curiosity. The minute I put myself in a curious frame, as I’m listening to somebody asking me a question, I become a good listener. Curiosity means I want to explore this individual, I want to understand their values, I want to understand their beliefs. It’s funny, people call me on air, and they give me fake names. They ask a question, a good, genuine question, what a fake with a fake name. And when I go back and forth with them via chat, eventually they say Srini, this is not my real name. And I’m like, Okay. And I don’t ask them their real name. But it’s very interesting, because of how they are standing on their own path to the solution. So you’re using a fake name or incorrect name, I understand on the radio, you don’t want to give away your real name. And it’s funny because people will listen to your voice and figure out who you are, even though you don’t say your name. But anyway, so they don’t give their name. And I’m now off the air. And I’m interacting with them via text, and I’m trying to solve the problem. And I’m so vested in the problem, to find a solution to the suffering. And they reveal that Srini is not my real name. You know, if you would have given me your real name, I would have emotionally engaged with you at an even deeper level. And I would have found a solution to your issue. I’m curious to explore people, I’m curious to explore problems. And that’s why I’ve become, at least I’m on the path to becoming a good listener.
Now, the second thing, which I kind of already mentioned, as a part of curiosity, is building a perspective, see, you cannot listen to something and hear the message in that listening and take away something if you don’t have a perspective if you’re a casual listener to this podcast that has nothing in it for you. But if you are an intentional listener, who wants to hear something and take away something that means you’re here with a perspective already, or at least you’re a first-time listener, you’re listening to this in the last 18 minutes, I think I have already built a perspective for you, or at least the perspective is already building as a result of your listening to this. One of the perspectives I have is, What if everything I know is nothing? That’s the frame through which I approach things. That’s how I become curious. What if the caller is calling in with a problem is something that I have never ever dealt with? What if everything every tool every knows how every insight I have within my arsenal may come in sufficient dealing with this caller’s question, or with this caller’s pain, or with this call of suffering? That’s the perspective I have. I’m sorry, this podcast has gone this far. And I’m going to stop here. I think I already conveyed the message. But I want to leave you with one incredible quote from Voltaire. The road to the heart is what now? The road to the heart is the ear.
So listen to good things, take away some good things as you are hearing what you are listening to so that you have good thoughts and your thoughts are right, then your actions are going to be incredible. Have a wonderful Friday. I’ll be here with you as early as tomorrow. Keep listening. If you are a first-time listener, do subscribe if you found value in today’s podcast episode. That’s all for now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.