Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
Welcome, and welcome back to Success with Srini. Happy Saturday morning to you. Today on the podcast, I’m answering a question. I take the back, I’m re-answering a question that came into my radio show this past Tuesday. So I was doing the radio show, and Vanessa calls in with her question. So let’s play that question. And I want you to listen to the answer I gave on air. And then I promised Vanessa that I’m going to get back to her with a better answer, which I could not find. Actually, I thought I had a recording I had I did a podcast sometime a while ago, but I couldn’t find it. So here I am recording today’s podcast, trying to answer that question. So first, let’s go to the question. Let’s listen to the live call-in.
“Thanks for calling in your name where are calling from and how can I help you?”
“I’m Vanessa and I wanted to, I’m in a relationship. I got engaged and the guy is kind of like, from India, and I’m from here. So there’s a cultural difference. How do you merge the cultural gap?”
“Vanessa, thank you. Appreciate the question, congratulations. Well, listen, quickly. I’ll tell you this. And I can take this question offline also, and kind of give you an elaborate answer. I think I have a podcast or recorded on this already. I’ll see if I can find the link and send it to you. But awesome question. You’re asking the question because you’re seeing some challenges in the dynamic or you’re speculating that something could go wrong?”
“No, I’m seeing challenges, like my values of like working out and get being fit is not the same as his.”
“Okay, and have you have you gone to any premarital counseling?”
“No.”
“Look, I would highly suggest you do.”
“He’s not here yet. He’s coming here.”
“Okay. I would suggest that you do that regardless if you know, that can be done. You know, there are specialists who do this. And you know that, are you aware of that?”
“Oh, no, I’m not.”
“Okay. So there is the before you know, when when we have intercultural marriages, that is, you know, we, we suggest that, that you, there are some agreements that have to happen. And the counseling helps the process, there has to be agreements around money around in-laws around so many different things with children and all that, and specifically recommended when you’re having an intercultural marriage, and specifically, people who are born and brought up in different dynamics. So I suggest you do that. But just you know, that when you marry someone, you’re also invisibly married to multiple other people who are invisible. So it’s important that you go through counseling. And I can, I will find the recording, if you text me, then I can find the recording and give you a little bit more insights into this.”
“Awesome, thank you so much.”
“Appreciate it. So thank you appreciate the call. Okay. 888-818-0404 is the number in the studio.”
Okay, welcome back. So this is a very difficult question to answer on a live radio show. Because there could be many angles, there could be more questions, and it could take away the small little time I have on the show, which is precisely 25 minutes. So let’s get into this when two people get married. There are three things that come into play. A marriage is about boundaries. Marriage is about expectations. And it’s also about rules. So there could be some more elements, but then those are the three most dominant things, your boundaries, you have expectations, you have rules. And what I was suggesting to Vanessa was that she go into premarital counseling. And in this specific situation, you have somebody who is coming in from a different country. So two individuals from two different countries.
We suggest, I suggest and many other experts do also suggest premarital counseling is important for interfaith marriages. But then in this specific case, you have two individuals raised in two different countries, even though they may have the same fate which I do not know. But then there is a value mismatch. You know the way if I’m raised in a different country, I inculcate different values, even though I may have the same education, the same faith, but different values. So, for somebody who comes into a new country, there has to be some learning that has to happen. So as a part of premarital counseling, good counseling involves discussing family, friends, money, and career was renting all of that. So who is going to move to which place? Who is going to have a full-time career and who doesn’t have a part-time career? How is the money, should you have separate bank accounts, or should you have a single bank account? Usually what we see and is I see is somebody you know, between two people who come together, one has bad financial acumen really bad like they have debt, they have all that. And then the other is very careful about money. And there lies the mismatch right there. And sometimes I see one really deep into the external family literally in a whole different dynamic, and the other is not. So when two people come together, they’re opposite. So it’s very rarely you see two people coming together who are completely in sync with everything is hard. And that’s why we call it a marriage, it’s hard. And marriage is something that you have to work on every day, it’s not like you are set to begin with. So there is work.
And sometimes even though you see that two people are in absolute sync, they still are, they’re still working on things that are invisible, that are very good in hiding the very good and masking, but there are the things that they’re working on behind the scenes that are invisible. So there is work that needs to happen. But then good counseling, premarital counseling addresses these things. Specifically, what it does is the end goal of premarital counseling is to have agreements in place around the boundaries, rules, and expectations. So an agreement is important, and that protects the boundaries, expectations, and rules. Now, I’ll also extend this a bit more. And I’ll say that try to get some, as you start looking into, you know, your partner’s values, you start to understand. And when I said that, you know, he’s not here yet. And that was a point you made.
So once he comes over, you’re going to start looking into things that you think are missing, or that need to be bridged or needs to be kind of addressed. Whatever they are, you also need to look into something called integration coaching, like somebody who can be quickly integrated into the happenings of this part of the world. or whichever part you both decide to eventually stay. So that thing has to be addressed also, which can be discussed in the premarital counseling also. Those are some of the things I wanted to talk about. And it just clearly sees takes about five minutes to talk about this. And if I would spend five minutes on my radio show, then there are other things that I could, I cannot cover. So this podcast allows me to speak my mind.
Okay, so that’s all for now, hopefully, this is helpful. If it is then you know somebody who is getting married or you know, someone who is in a long-distance relationship, then please do send them this recording, or please share some of your learnings from this podcast with them. Watch this on YouTube, there should be a place for you to like and comment. If you’re listening to this on the podcast app of your choice then this should be a place also for you to write a review, make a comment. And that’s all for now. This is short, this is sweet. And you stay tuned. I’ll be with you tomorrow. Bye now.