Here is the complete transcript of the podcast
If you’re seeking balance in your relationships, then today’s podcast episode is for you. Welcome, or welcome back to Success with Srini. Ever since this podcast became a daily podcast, I have been coming here and talking about multiple different topics with the idea and intent that every topic brings a new level of awareness to any listener who’s listening. And so if you are a first-time listener of this podcast, thank you. And if you’re a repeat listener, that means you are subscribed to this podcast, then appreciate your support. Appreciate your questions. And as a result of my answering questions on this podcast, your questions, I am growing myself personally. So thank you for your support. Now, I have done multiple podcast episodes, talking about creating balance in life. But today, I’m specifically focusing on relationships. Because this is something that I have seen people talk to me in offline conversations, I’ve seen people express their feelings about how they’re stuck in disempowering relationships, maybe at home, maybe at work, doesn’t matter. But then they are feeling those negative emotions. So not any specific question I’m answering. But this is a collective observation that I have when I talk to people. So what is a one-sided relationship? Specifically, what is the one-sided expectation, it’s very simple, one-sided expectations happen in relationships, clearly, and one-sided expectations happen because one individual in a relationship thinks that he or she is not getting what they’re putting in simply.
So two people, let’s say, let’s take that as an example, two people, you and your partner, you, your spouse, you, your boss, your coworker, any two individuals, any two things, when two people come together, they define some rules, some boundaries, some expectations, all those things happen. Expectations are the basis of relationships, there are four things that are seen that are now known to play. Every time two people come together, they put in the time to make the relationship work, they put in some energy to make the relationship work, they put an effort to make the relationship work, and sometimes human money. And as long as whatever you’re putting in, you are getting back proportionally. That means there is some reciprocity, you’re putting something in, you’re getting something back, then it’s equitable, or the balance is there. And sometimes you may not get back exactly the same amount that you’re putting in. And that’s okay. But as long as you see that the other individual is putting in the effort.
For example, I come here on this podcast, I keep saying that, here is a question here is the question I’m answering John Jane, who would ask me some questions, I’m going to play their questions, I’m going to refer to their questions I’m going to keep on answering. And I keep on saying, Hey, if you have a question, ask. And you don’t ask the question. Let’s say, maybe you’re listening to this podcast, but you’re not asking questions. So guess what happens to me? At one point, I feel I’m putting in the effort, I’m not getting any response. It’s very natural for that to happen. So I’m putting in the time I’m putting in energy and I’m putting in the effort, maybe not money, let’s take money aside. Let’s put money aside. But then there is something that is going in but let’s say nothing is coming out. My expectation is not that I don’t have that expectation that you have to ask a question, but I’m just making an example out of it. So in this relationship, the balance is broken. So when I’m asking for something I’m not getting, then the balance is broken. Now the vendor balance is broken. It’s to me, but I can’t explain that. Now let’s take that as an example and look into your relationship, whatever relationship that you have got going. So you’re putting in you’re doing all the work, and you’re not getting the response from your partner from the spouse, and there’s no reciprocity. Now, you have a situation there are a few things that we now know that displays that clearly point out that the balance in the relationship is broken. And there are many examples, but I want to see if I can quote one or two examples here. The first one is let’s say you plan things you think your plan but then your partner cancels the plan without even asking you because they have something else that has come up.
Now this is okay, in a boss and employee relationship happens so looking, but then this is very difficult to digest in a personal relationship, you plan what they’re casting the plans, what when they cancel, they’re okay to cancel the plan. If they schedule a plan, or they plan something out, they’re okay to cancel it, and they don’t provide a consequence while they’re doing it. But when you plan, they can cancel it, because they have something else to do. See, that’s the lopsided relationship right there. And let’s say that there are some, you know, we see behaviors and relationships. If your behavior is incorrect, then you are called out. If their behavior is incorrect, then they can take any excuse. That’s lopsided right there. The same goes with activities too. You know, they can schedule some activities or things to do. And they get angry if you don’t participate in that activity. So you have to cancel your activities to participate in that activity. Even they schedule activities. But if you do, if you do the same thing, then they get angry, something like that. So you have these things. These are some examples. I’m just speaking them from the top of my mind, but you get an idea. That means you the net, the net outcome from all this is you feel you’re insecure in the relationship, you feel you don’t have any say, and you feel, you don’t get what you’re putting in. And you feel rattled, you feel the discomfort you feel, you know something is not right. And you feel that in your gut, you don’t look for any examples or any proof, you feel it. That’s when you know the balance is not there. But when you know that no matter what you’re putting in, you’re not getting. I’ve seen people tell me that there are so many expectations that they have to meet on a daily basis, that they have forgotten their own identity, and who they are. They’ve forgotten to do the basic things for themselves, this is hard.
I remember one time, my mother told me this. She said I got so busy after I married your dad after I came into the house that I forgot to meet my side of the family for over 10-15 years. That’s a long time. Now, if you will forget when you don’t talk, I see that now. As I live outside of India, some of my relatives have forgotten who I am. They know me. But you know, that affection that the notion of love that connection goes away dissipates. So I was fulfilling the expectations that were put on me that I forgot what should I expect. And my expectations of you went up after you were born. Because this is mine. You are mine. So I started building up the expectations after I started having my children. That was a profound saying from my mom. And it kind of just so dominant on my mind. When we talk about relationships, we’re talking about relationships today. So it’s kind of I had to go there because I was trying not to give the example on the podcast, but I had to go there, just the mind went there. So now what can you do? Question see, there are two ways to live this life. Either you expand your reality, or you curtail or you squeeze your expectations. Depends on you depends how much you are willing to put in so that you can free yourself from this. I tell people to expand their reality. I never tell people to get rid of their expectations. It’s very hard. You know, we are wired to expectations. So I say listen, let’s expand the realities. Let’s look into all the things that we need. Let’s look at you know what needs to be done. So, when we start thinking about expanding our reality, the few things that come up is the gap or the distance what is the distance between where you stand and where your partner stands? And what can you do to bridge the gap between the distance then comes focus and concentration? Should you focus more now on the things that are going to make you happier.
What is the cost of that focus? Then comes you know distraction. Does it make sense for you to distract yourself and act As if nothing exists? That way, you don’t feel it anymore? Is it possible that you go back and look into the past glories that you had, and constantly keep your mind on the past? And move on with the day-to-day work, like the day-to-day expectations so that you don’t feel the pain? Is it possible that you can zoom or zone into the future, think about the future a lot, and forget about the pain that you’re going through? Now, the different ways to do this. But these are some of the things that you have to look into. The way my mom explained it to me is I was looking into the future. Wherever you want to focus, wherever you want to concentrate, I think it will pay, it will pay off, there is going to be a payoff one day, but it’s how you want to deal with the current situation. So either, you know, look into the future, or take over the past, or act as if nothing exists, so that you don’t get the pain, you don’t get this feeling that you know, I’m doing everything, I’m not getting something in return. And here’s what we know, people who are violently attached to each other, they are difficult to be separated. See, the more violence in the relationship, the more difficult it is to separate the partners. It’s weird, but that’s how it works. Okay, my idea was very simple, so that you understand reciprocity in the relationship. So sometimes you get positive things coming your way, sometimes you get negative things coming your way, you do something good, but some negative, get bad in return. Sometimes you get some generic stuff and return it even though you do your best. And I’ve seen it all. And the idea is that you want to be in a situation or you want to go or grow into a situation where you have equitable reciprocity. That means you know that whatever you’re getting is much bigger than what you put in so that you go come back and put more into it.
This is something that this how we build great relationships. And you know, a commitment I made to myself, I want to build great relationships and turn a relationship around. So my idea of today’s podcast was that I drive this point that you can turn any relationship around by simply putting, you know, looking at this, understanding the problem, and then coming up with some thoughts around Hey, how do I bridge the gap? Where do I focus? Where do I concentrate? And how can I act? How can I react to everything that’s happening? And then give it some time so that the relationship that you think was gone or over now suddenly becomes equitable? You know, the typical relationship. That’s all for now, wherever you are, be safe, and I will catch up with you as early as tomorrow. Stay tuned. Thank you.