Forgive & Move On With Your Life

Forgive & Move On With Your Life

Here is the complete transcript of the podcast

Welcome back to today’s podcast episode, I am extending the thought from yesterday’s podcast episode. Yesterday I talked about how to deal with criticism, with grace, and with elegance. And again, yesterday’s podcast episode was an extension of an episode I did two days prior to that, which was about dealing with negative people and how negative people are a fact of life. Now, when you take negative people and how to deal with them, when you take criticism and how to deal with it, you start to see a pattern, which is, in order to succeed in any of these situations, you need to learn how to forgive and forget. So I thought, I’m going to take forgiven forget, as a key topic, and share a few thoughts on today’s podcast episode.


So here is what I have seen, I have been a student of success, I have been running my own seminars, workshops, traveled, whatever little bit I did. And I’ve seen different people in different contexts and different situations, if I have to categorize people, through my frame through my reference, and if I have to put them into two categories for the sake of this discussion, then in the first category are the people who are just immune to pain and suffering. Like they somehow, there’s something about them, they’re so innate with it, they have something that bond with that they can easily handle pain and suffering, it seems as if nothing touches them, nothing comes near them.


And then there is a second category of people who have really worked hard to deal with their pain and suffering. They deal with it. But somehow they put on a smile. And they come across as if they’re happy. So both categories are happy people. But then one has learned how to deal with it, the other has not really, there’s no lesson they have taken it just that they have it inbuilt into them. So that’s more or less in this in this conversation.


Now, of course, if you debate on this, there could be more possibilities, more categories, and all that so we’re not going to get into that. But then, clearly, this is something that we have to learn. Regardless of which category you are sure to learn this emotional hurt suffering, they’re a part of life, you will experience it if haven’t experienced it yet. It’s not it’s a matter of time, which will happen. But the challenge here is sometimes the hurt is momentary, it happens it goes away. Sometimes it stays, it stays for a long time. And the longer it stays the harder it is for happiness to step in joy, fulfillment, they all will find it difficult to step in into your life. So and along the way, there could be more damages happening too. So how should we deal with it? And what are some strategies? What are some techniques? The point is this as life moves forward, we also need to move forward, we need to maintain a pace with life. And if we can’t keep up the pace, that means we could still be happy, but then the pursuit, the fulfillment of having greater happiness goes away or will be nonexistent. So you could be mildly happy. But then it’s not a well-lived life. So what can be done?


The first and the foremost is this. You got to think what all are the advantages if you let go of the hurt that is tearing you right now? What are the advantages? The first and the foremost advantage is that you will feel free freedom. Just because you have freedom, you could do many things. You could experience wonderful things life has. Inherently it offers everyone simply having the freedom so you feel free if you let go of the hurt. That’s the biggest advantage again, you could sit down, take a paper write down all the advantages if you want to. Now, the flip side of this conversation is why not write down all the negatives if you hang on to the hurt that you have. Like all the negatives. I’ll tell you the opposite of freedom is lack of freedom which is like imprisonment, right? The opposite of freedom. So one of the main, the biggest things, if you look at, you know, negative disadvantages is that you will feel as if you’re imprisoned. So and then again, there are you could write down many more things in the disadvantages section too. But the biggest disadvantage is that you will feel you’re imprisoned. Now, then comes the point where, how do you transition? How do you say, Okay, I understand the advantages? I understand the disadvantages. Now, what has to happen here? Well, the biggest thing that has to happen, it’s not about a strategy. And people ask, you know, I want to do hypnosis, I want to do meditation yoga. Yeah, all those are good. But that’s not the point. The point here is that something has to happen within you a sense of commitment, let’s say, you got to like something within 10, I want to commit, I want to commit to letting all these things go. All this hurt, go. Now, once you commit that, I want to let it go, then the tools, the techniques, the strategies will make sense. No tool, no strategy makes sense. If you still want to hang on to the hurt, people go to therapy. And it’s not the therapist doing anything incorrect or wrong. But then just because they’re in denial, they don’t want to let it go. If you want a classic example. You know, people want to become rich people want to become successful, they see others succeed. And I wish I could become like him, I wish I could become like her. But then if you want to become like him or her, then naturally, you will inherit all their success. But then with their success comes with their failures, and their challenges and their pain, their suffering, all that has to come and will come with the success.


Now, we humans, don’t want to take on other people’s suffering. We want other people’s success, but we don’t want others suffering. So it starts with the commitment that yes, I want to let go of the hurt. Now that you’re committed. Now, the pursuit begins, how, how can I let this go? Now that I’ve decided why should let it go. And just to know, life is a series of choices that we make. And here is also in this situation, you are making a choice. If you say I cannot do this, that’s a choice. If you say I will, I can do it, or I will do it, it’s a choice. So you rather make an intelligent, thoughtful choice, because we all are intelligent, and we are thoughtful individuals. We don’t need to react the way animals react. And we can interpret things. And we can understand our actions. And we can judge our moves. And we can also change our minds long after we change our minds. So we don’t need to react to something that happened to us 10, 15, 20 years ago as if it is happening to us right now. And I see that people in deep trauma, do that.


Now, also, the person who is giving this hurt to you in your mind, they gave it to you 20 years ago, let’s say. And you have it in your mind as if in the present tense, you’re feeling as if it’s happening to you. Now, let’s say that what happens, we flip the script in the mind and say, Why can’t I show some empathy to this individual. Little love little compassion, not that you are validating that they are nice, or they’re good people, but a little bit of empathy as an individual from your side. Not that they deserve it. But you from your side, showing some empathy. You’re not validating their act, you’re not saying they were right, or whatever it is, but you’re simply showing some empathy to this situation that might have happened to you many, many years ago. And when you do that, you’ll be amazed at what it does to your system. And you do that with some compassion, not with anger, not because you heard it on this podcast, you do it with some compassion. And it gives you a perspective. If you do it right. And it sets you into a different frame of thinking, a different way to look at life. And that’s the start not that it heals you but start starts there.


Sometimes, you also have to consider your part or your role. In the heart that you’re feeling right now. And in the event that caused the hurt in the first place, what was your part, we sometimes unknowingly contribute into some disagreements into some fights and conflicts unknowingly. And this is where a greater higher level of understanding and intention to develop a higher level of understanding is necessary. It’s a necessity. And when we do this, we are also forgiving ourselves. As well as we discover things for which we should also regret. I did it this way. And that is why that happened to me. I also did it, I was also a party to it. Now, you must say I’m just only 1% part into it, and the other person did 99%. That’s a whole different discussion. But at least, that kind of thinking gift takes the regret out. And by regretting it takes the pain out the hurt out, to a large extent.


See, you’re here. And you’re here now. And one of the key aspects of living a happy life is to be present at the moment. And again, a few days ago, I talked about how people worry about the future, they worry about the past, they’re always on one side of the pendulum. If you keep the pendulum centered, that means you are in the present, this is a very good experience, in life. This is real, you know, whatever real it is, it is real. And for me to stay here and to focus on what’s happened to me right now. And that is why any book, you study any self-improvement, philosophy, whatever you study, books, or scripts, scriptures or anything, they all start with the word be present in the moment, at the moment be present. And again, all these strategies work, but then one thing is for sure.


Yesterday, I talked about moving on, prior to that I talked about moving on, in your mind, you got to think you gave your best, you have been harboring this pain for a long time within you. It’s just about time to let it go. But then you did your best. And the time has come for you to move on. So you would rather move on with some degree of forgiveness. If forgive yourself in the process, and a little bit of intent to move on. And, and you forgive yourself for what has happened and you move on not necessarily forgiving that individual or whoever caused the start in the first place, to begin with acid hold together a different discussion. But you forgive yourself, you forget as much as you can. And you move now forgiving and forgetting. It’s a skill. That means every skill can be acquired. And you’ll become good at it, the more you use it. But you need to be a little bit smarter to use it. So people learn skills, but they really don’t use those skills.


People come to my seminars, workshops, you know, they hypnosis, whatever, they learn the skill, but they don’t use the skill. It’s just like Why spend time and effort and learn something that you know, you’re not going to use. And also seen people who have for some time think that they are over their pain, but only to come back and say I got it back. So it’s not a one time thing as much as you think it is. So if you have forgiven someone or you’re forgiven yourself, um, situation, you keep on doing that perpetually.


It’s something that was with you for a long time, and you just made a decision at the moment to let it go. But then it has not completely gone out of your system. So just to think that it’s gone, maybe. But then six months later, a year later it comes back then it was never gone. So any level of self-improvement is a continuous effort. And so is forgiving and forgetting. You got to continually do this for a long amount of time. For a very, very long amount of time. That’s why we say perpetually and till it kind of becomes like second nature. You completely evolved. You have completely grown so bigger so mighty or that it doesn’t matter anymore. But then it’s always looking for ways to sneak in somehow. So you got to keep You know, always ahead of where this is.


Okay, I want to stop here. Hopefully, today’s podcast episode is helpful. And if it is, do me a favor, write a review, rate the podcast, share it with your friends and family and I’ll be back here again before you know it as early as tomorrow. Thank you.

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